It's beginning to look a lot like Twin Peaks

Want to make your holidays damn fine this year?
Start off by sending these rad cards to your friends and family.  Or keep them for yourself.  I won't judge.

Get yours here

 My log has something to tell you:  It looks delicious.

Get the recipe here

Oh Diane, almost forgot.  Got to find out what kind of trees these are.
Get in the holiday "spirit" with this Douglas Fir-inspired cocktail.

Recipe here

If BOB isn't leering at you from the branches of your Christmas tree, it might be time to re-think your decor choices.

See the whole scene here

Start planning for the new year with this adorable calendar.

Buy yours here

Adorable isn't really your style? How about a full year of the ladies of Twin Peaks?

Buy yours here

The mysticism of Twin Peaks

My favorite TV show meets my favorite divination method.

I've been a tarot enthusiast ever since I found a battered deck that belonged to my dad in my grandma's attic.  (What 70s-era teenager didn't mess around with a little occult lite?)

Artist Benjamin Mackey has been busy creating a Twin Peaks themed tarot deck.  View the entire deck here.
The Major Arcana is complete and Mackey is hard at work on the Minor Arcana cards. 
Naturally, the suit of cups is represented by none other than a damn fine cup of coffee.

Here's to hoping it becomes an actual deck or, at the very least, some kick ass prints. 

The best mashup in the history of mashups

I love The Golden Girls.  I got the entire series for my birthday this year and it was everything I'd ever dreamed it could be.  But, to be honest, I set the bar pretty low when it comes to my hopes and dreams.

When I'm not binge watching TV shows, I am summoning the dead.  No big deal.

Of course, Twin Peaks is another favorite so I was stoked to see this post from Welcome to Twin Peaks show up on my Facebook feed.  The intro mashup is, of course, hilarious but the David Lynch-directed Golden Girls  may have caused my TP/GG lovin' heart to have a minor infarction.
By the time you read this, my house will have been invaded by four extra people but I will have a Freaky Friday post up for you written by the oh-so-charming Mr. Coffee.

My log has something to tell you

I get that blind box toys are supposed to be bought unopened to achieve the maximum surprise factor, I had to make an exception for the Twin Peaks Bearbrick figures.

They only made two:  Laura Palmer and Special Agent Dale Cooper.  They each come with a little "Welcome to Twin Peaks" population card and they belong to the 21st series of Bearbrick toys in the "horror" genre.

Obviously, Coop seems tame in his suit and striped tie.

The owls are not what they seem.  Unless this one seems like a ceramic figurine to you.

And then we have Laura...

The award for most morbid toy goes to...

I can't decide whether or not I want to take her out of the plastic.  She seems more accurate this way.

My only regret is that there is no beach here to take these pictures.

And what better soundtrack for playing with your Twin Peaks toys than Julee Cruise on vinyl? This is a promotional copy featuring music from Twin Peaks and Blue Velvet.

Just try to remember you aren't actually in Blue Velvet and go wandering naked through your front yard.

The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer

According to my good friend Wikipedia, lots of booksellers refused to stock The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer  due to its graphic content.  I've read dirtier things, but Laura's frank use of drugs and the detached way she describes her sexual encounters is definitely unsettling.  It's easier to stomach if you can forget the fact that this is NOT the diary of a teenaged girl.

Well, I was in my 20s when Twin Peaks was filmed.

Diary begins on the day of Laura's twelfth birthday.  Spoiler:  The diary is a birthday gift.  Laura describes her life as idyllic, only vaguely hinting at the malevolence that lies beneath the surface of her picture-perfect life. At first it's hard to feel pity for her.  I mean, damn, she gets a pony for her birthday.  A freaking pony!  Want to know what I got when I turned 12?  I can't remember because it wasn't a damn pony.
**If you've never seen Twin Peaks from beginning to end, stop reading NOW!**
It doesn't take long to get to the juicy bits of the diary when we are made privy to little Laura's *ahem* solo bedtime activities.  Laura also begins to admit that she has been visited by the mysterious killer BOB for several years and she is never sure whether he is real or simply a horrifying recurring nightmare.
Diary drags you through the muck and mire of Laura's double life.  Straight-A homecoming queen by day, cocaine-fueled sex toy by night.  The diary becomes harder to comprehend as cocaine and BOB's madness begin to saturate its pages.  Laura's frantic desperation is almost palpable as the book winds down to its ultimate conclusion... Laura's death.
If you're anything like me and need to read or watch anything Twin Peaks-related you can get your hands on, you should definitely find yourself a copy of The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer.  The book is a sort of sequel to Twin Peaks and the later events coincide with those from the movie Fire Walk With Me. (It even notes where pages are missing, keeping in line with FWWM.) 

Here is a list of other Twin Peaks reading material to satisfy your curiosity.

Entering the Town of Twin Peaks

I've never seen so many trees in my life.
If you've never seen Twin Peaks, you probably think the name of this blog is completely ridiculous because it has nothing to do with coffee.  (Besides the fact that my body runs on it which, in turn, runs this blog.  But I digress.)

Because you can't say "fucking delicious" on TV.

I won't give you the entire plot rundown because other sites out there have done it better than I ever could.  Considering I was only 10 when it first aired, I only got to watch in snippets with one ear turned to the door so I could quickly change the channel if my parents happened to walk in.  The world of Twin Peaks all seemed so strange and exciting and... confusing as hell.  It is not a show to be watched in bits and pieces or to think you can catch up in the newest episode if you've skipped one or two.  It also is definitely not a show to be watched at the ripe old age of 10.
In fact, it wasn't until my late 20s that I decided that I had to watch it again.  I forced my husband to watch it without the slightest hope that he would actually enjoy it, but every night when I'd ask what we should watch, the answer was "Twin Peaks".  Twin Peaks, as is the case with most of David Lynch's work, combines the right amount of beauty, quirkiness,  and what-the-fuckery to keep you riveted.
Lately Showtime has Twin Peaks fans all hyped up about its big twenty-five year anniversary comeback.  Twin Peaks 2016 is supposed to tie up the loose ends  that had left viewers perplexed and dissatisfied after the show's untimely demise in 1991.  Unfortunately, due to failed financial negotiations (Shocking, righ?), David Lynch vacated his director's seat.  Rumors abound that co-director Mark Frost will step up to direct and that actors have threatened to pull out if David Lynch isn't going to direct and that the show might not even happen at all.
In the meantime, if you've never seen Twin Peaks, do yourself a favor and watch it.
For those longtime fans, here are some links to hopefully tide you over until Twin Peaks 2016 is a reality:
Retro gaming fans will appreciate this 8-bit map of Twin Peaks

This article about the eerie connections between Twin Peaks and Alice in Wonderland

These gorgeous Twin Peaks' character portraits