Freaky Friday: Hemlock Grove

It's October which means everyone is sipping pumpkin spice lattes and watching dudes named Freddy and Michael terrorize teenagers out at old Camp Creepypasta.
The promise of Halloween sends my imagination into overdrive as I spend my nights reading /nosleep and then making my dog (Please don't call the ASPCA!) go down the hall first so I can use the bathroom without being murdered by someone with a hook for a hand or the demon that lives in the linen closet.
While I love scary movies, I also hate scary movies because, well, they scare me.  The kind of scary that sticks with you.  The kind of scary that causes you to swan dive across your bedroom at night after turning off the light because you know something is going to grab you in those five dark steps from the light switch to your bed.
So what do you do when you have Halloween spirit but you're a giant sissy?  Well, you can watch Hemlock Grove.  Especially if you like a healthy dose of "what the fuck" in your horror entertainment.
I was on the fence for months about Hemlock Grove.
What's it about?
Werewolves.
No... it's about vampires!
No... it's about both.
Both?  Like Twilight both?
It is definitely not like Twilight. 

Do you understand the script at all, bro?

Hemlock Grove is something of a murder mystery involving werewolves and day-walking (but not sparkly) vampires.  The characters are well-developed but there are times when the plot carves out enormous holes that it can't be bothered to fill in again.  Don't let that deter you, though, gentle viewers.  Just embrace your confusion.  Let it flow through you.  Or, you can be like me, and buy the book hoping for answers and end up even more confused.  (But it's a captivating read!)  The overall mood is that of secrecy and gloom.  A perfect complement to a gloomy October night?  I think so!
Both seasons are full of gore and sex.  Highlights include clandestine medical experiments, demonic babies, clairvoyants, a crash course in werewolf-ery, and a drop dead gorgeous 1957 Jaguar.  In the second season, there's even a nod to David Lynch and Twin Peaks.  Are you still reading?  Why aren't you watching Netflix???  
The third and final season debuts 23 October and the few articles I've read promise that this season will scramble to reassemble the craziness unleashed by the second season.  That means you have plenty of time to watch the first two seasons and get caught up.
To the couch with ye!

Freaky Friday: Odd Thomas

Odd Thomas starts out as a seemingly quirky action comedy movie with a supernatural bent.  Odd Thomas (played by the adorable Anton Yelchin) lives in a small town and just so happens to have the ability to see ghosts.  He uses his gift to help solve murders which, in turn, helps put the spirit to rest.  Unfortunately it's not a paying gig so Odd is also a showboating short-order cook at a local cafe.

If you like my psychic abilities, you should try my pancakes.

Odd begins to see some ghostly baddies that are out of the ordinary and, apparently, signal big trouble for the little town of Pico Mundo.  Odd has to save the town and himself while keeping his skills under wraps from friends and coworkers.  Does it lead to hilarious misunderstandings and people assuming that Odd has lost his marbles?  You betcha.
For a movie that deals with dead stuff and ghosts, it's actually quite tame.  So tame, in fact, I debated whether or not this should be a Freaky Friday-worthy movie.  But one girl's tame is another girl's freaky so I went with it.
The ending is predictable in an "ending with a twist" sort of way.  
Throughout the movie I was racking my brain trying to think of where I had heard the name Odd Thomas before.  It wasn't until the credits that I realized Odd Thomas is a series of books by Dean Koontz.  (Dean and I shared a brief but intense literary fling during my first year of junior high but I soon left him for VC Andrews and her love of incestuous siblings.)  I'm tempted to read the books because the movie glosses over the most interesting part of Odd's life which is communicating with the regular everyday dead folk.  I feel that could have been developed more instead of the emphasis on Odd's relationship with his girlfriend Stormy.
Romance in movies bores me.  Yeah, I said it.
Conclusion:
I give it a 3 out of 5 star rating.  It's definitely one of the more original movies I've watched in a while.  And it made me want to pick up where I left off with Dean Koontz.  Any good movie should make you revert back to your junior high self. 

Freaky Friday: The Baba Ganoush

This Freaky Friday is brought to you by Mr. Coffee, the letter "B", and the number 5.37.


Hello nerd boys and girls,


I’m taking a break from video games to bring you a review of the latest horror movie being crammed down your throat by Netflix and your Facebook friends: The Babadook.  Just so you’re aware of my tastes, I have a long lasting love of horror movies, but especially terrible ones.  I subscribe to the church of Troll 2 and From Dusk Till Dawn sequels.  If a movie contains Bruce Campbell, Tom Savini, or was endorsed in some way by George Romero, then I am watching it.  Warning!  From this point forward this blog entry may contain spoilers (in white), though I will do my best to not ruin the ending. 


The Babadook is a movie you would label a "creature feature" or boogeyman style horror story where a child is afraid of something that the adults insist just does not exist.  In this movie that child is six-year-old Sam.  Sam’s father died in a car accident on the way to Sam's own birth and is being raised alone by his mother Amelia.  Like many six year olds, Sam is afraid of the monster in his closet, under his bed, in the attic, in the basement...  He rarely sleeps due to his fear and is an all around brat, in general.  Unlike most six year olds though, Sam builds Dennis the Menace-style weapons to defend himself.


Our other main character Amelia, Sam’s mother, is working as a hospice nurse and seems run down from working, raising Sam herself, and struggling through what appears to be a lonely, hard life for the past six years.  To add to Amelia’s stress, Sam gets removed from school for bringing one of his many handcrafted weapons with him.  Amelia’s only outlet is her sister Claire who has a daughter, Ruby.  Ruby’s birthday is close to Sam’s so they share a party every year.  (Every year except this one, of course.)  This is partially due to Amelia’s painful experience of losing her husband on her son’s actual birthday but mostly because a joint party is cheaper and less stressful, obviously.


So what the hell is a babadook?  Well, one night Amelia allows Sam to choose a bedtime story.  He pulls down a book that Amelia has never seen before titled Mister Babadook.  This book tells the story of a being that haunts and tortures those aware of his existence.  His presence is preceded by the sound of a knocking “babadook dook dook” noise.

Grandma Ethel is not allowed to buy you books ever again.

  The book itself is modeled after a child’s pop-up book and, if I'm being honest, is probably one of the more creative horror devices I’ve seen.  Sam, who is already terrified of his own make-believe monsters, now has a name to put to his ever-increasing fears.  Sam’s brat-tastic behavior gets worse, and the house suddenly seems haunted, which Amelia, being the great mom she is, blames on Sam and he in turn blames on Mister Babadook.  Already frustrated by Sam’s behavior and suffering from a severe lack of sleep, Amelia tears the offending book apart and throws it in the trash. 


Is this the end of Babadook problem?  Um... no.  Sam suffers a seizure on the way home from his cousin's drama filled birthday party and Amelia brings him to the hospital get checked out.  The doctors find nothing wrong with Sam, but prescribe him sleeping pills which is something every six-year-old needs.  Relieved that her son is ok, and that she is finally going to get some sleep, things are looking up for Amelia.  Her peace doesn’t last long.  She awakes to find the Mister Babadook book not only intact but with new illustrations, specifically pictures of Amelia killing Sam.  She does what any sane person would do and destroys the book again along with reporting the incident to the police thinking she may have a stalker.  The police don’t believe her based on the lack of creepy book evidence and the vague implication that she may have some incriminating evidence on her person.  Namely, chalk on her hands.  The same chalk used in the Mister Babadook book?  *dun dun dun*


Up to this point in the film I was enjoying the story, the characters, and the tension.  I was asking myself: “Is the house haunted or is the kid just out of his mind?” and “Are they being stalked?” or “Did Amelia snap and is doing all this herself?”  A perfect mix of good writing and a true psychological horror where there are a number of possible paths and each could lead to an exciting and fulfilling climax.
And then it took a nosedive.
The latter half of the movie that attempts to answer these questions felt as if  a completely different writer and director had suddenly taken over a completely different movie.  What starts off as a creative and well thought out plot, turns into a heaping pile of horror movie garbage.  It sort of feels like the scene in Independence Day  where the White House gets blown up and you’re all excited about the awesome explosion but then remember that the White House being blown up is actually a bad thing.  Then Jeff Goldblum suggests that the highly advanced alien species can be brought down by a lowly human-engineered computer virus.  Balderdash! 
The Babadook is the horror movie equivalent of Independence Day: a great idea ruined by a seemingly rushed train wreck of an ending. 

**For those of you reading from 'Murica, enjoy your Independence Day weekend!**

Freaky Friday: The Dead Files

I never really thought of myself as a "medium" person.  I never watched Medium or the Ghost Whisperer or, um, other shows about psychic mediums.  I did, however, watch Crossing Over with John Edward.  Ok, it was the episode of South Park spoofing Crossing Over with John Edward.  It's basically the same thing, right?

Your dad died?  Your grandpa?  Your fifth grade class hamster?

Netflix suggested the show The Dead Files to me and I thought "What the hell?"
The show is formulaic:  the psychic (Amy Allan) "reads" the location while the burly former detective investigates the history of the location and the two compare notes at the end.  They have no contact before this point (so they say) and they sometimes employ sketch artists to show "who" Amy has been interacting with.  No spoilers here but, if you choose to watch, brace yourself for a lot of widened eyes and hand-to-chest gasping during the reveal.
The Dead Files mixes ghost whispering, good old fashioned detective work, and cheesy "dramatic" effects to create the television equivalent of a Kahlua mudslide.  Goes down smooth and, if you're not careful, you can consume half a dozen in one sitting.

I get the feeling someone has definitely lived in this 100 year old house before.

I consider myself to be pretty open to the idea of ghosts and other paranormal phenomena.  With that being said, I'm not entirely convinced the show is not as fake as a Rotex watch,  but I can usually keep the skeptical part of my brain quiet enough to watch an episode or five.

Entering the Town of Twin Peaks

I've never seen so many trees in my life.
If you've never seen Twin Peaks, you probably think the name of this blog is completely ridiculous because it has nothing to do with coffee.  (Besides the fact that my body runs on it which, in turn, runs this blog.  But I digress.)

Because you can't say "fucking delicious" on TV.

I won't give you the entire plot rundown because other sites out there have done it better than I ever could.  Considering I was only 10 when it first aired, I only got to watch in snippets with one ear turned to the door so I could quickly change the channel if my parents happened to walk in.  The world of Twin Peaks all seemed so strange and exciting and... confusing as hell.  It is not a show to be watched in bits and pieces or to think you can catch up in the newest episode if you've skipped one or two.  It also is definitely not a show to be watched at the ripe old age of 10.
In fact, it wasn't until my late 20s that I decided that I had to watch it again.  I forced my husband to watch it without the slightest hope that he would actually enjoy it, but every night when I'd ask what we should watch, the answer was "Twin Peaks".  Twin Peaks, as is the case with most of David Lynch's work, combines the right amount of beauty, quirkiness,  and what-the-fuckery to keep you riveted.
Lately Showtime has Twin Peaks fans all hyped up about its big twenty-five year anniversary comeback.  Twin Peaks 2016 is supposed to tie up the loose ends  that had left viewers perplexed and dissatisfied after the show's untimely demise in 1991.  Unfortunately, due to failed financial negotiations (Shocking, righ?), David Lynch vacated his director's seat.  Rumors abound that co-director Mark Frost will step up to direct and that actors have threatened to pull out if David Lynch isn't going to direct and that the show might not even happen at all.
In the meantime, if you've never seen Twin Peaks, do yourself a favor and watch it.
For those longtime fans, here are some links to hopefully tide you over until Twin Peaks 2016 is a reality:
Retro gaming fans will appreciate this 8-bit map of Twin Peaks

This article about the eerie connections between Twin Peaks and Alice in Wonderland

These gorgeous Twin Peaks' character portraits