Damn Fine Vidya Games: LoZ: Twilight Princess

**Damn Fine Vidya Games is written by my other half, Mr. Coffee, about his love for retro video games.**
 
Hello nerd boys and girls,

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess for the Nintendo GameCube is the best Zelda game.  (I’m sure I’ll be receiving some hate for that statement.)  Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of all things Zelda, but this game still stands out as the best.  Let me tell my feelings and then you can agree or disagree or agree to disagree.

Twilight Princess was released for GameCube in 2006 after being purposely delayed a year so that it could be released for the Wii at the same time.  This was the last Nintendo game released for the GameCube and didn’t get much press or play, especially since the Wii version was touting its fancy new motion controls.  I’ve played both versions and let me tell you... motion controls are dumb.  Plus, the Wii version makes Link right handed which is wrong according to every other Zelda game ever.

 So, there I was, a young lad of 21, sitting down to play what I expected to be a slightly more advanced version, based solely on the grown up picture of Link on the cover and the"T for Teen" rating, of previous Zelda games.  After a few quick cut scenes and a useful tutorial, I was proven wrong, so very wrong.  Suddenly, incredibly I was a werewolf  tasked with taking down The King of Twilight and, of course, rescuing Zelda under the guidance of a ballsy little imp named Midna.

The game play is more complex than most Zelda games due to the open 3D world environment and plenty of sub-quests to keep you busy.  I do not recommend this game for the casual gamer.  The story is dark, sad, and emotionally painful.   The music is near perfect and adds to the somber tone of the entire game.  If you are looking for a happy or Zelda game, look elsewhere.  (Try Wind Waker!)

Twilight Princess will always hold a special place in my heart.  For weeks on end, I put the game in my GameCube, closed that purple lid, and didn’t stop playing except to eat, shower, and work.  I actually quit smoking while I played this game, not for health reasons, but because my smoke breaks were breaking up my game play and mood.
Find a copy of the GameCube version, and then spend a little quality time with your GameCube (or Wii because backwards compatible, dawg) and plug it in for this Zelda essential that deserves your love and attention.

Happy Home Designer: Add it to your Christmas list

If you know only one thing about me, know this:
I love Animal Crossing.  If Animal Crossing was a religion, I would never leave the church. 
Animal Crossing: Wild World for the Nintendo DS was the game that really ushered me into the world of gaming.  I've sung its praises before so I won't wax poetic in this post.  I'll just say this "I love Animal Crossing 5 eva!" (Cuz that's more than 4 eva.)
You can imagine my complete and absolute delight when I heard the news that an Animal Crossing spin-off game was making its way to American soil and it was called Happy Home Designer and it was the most adorable thing I'd ever laid eyes on.

Let's get to the nuts and bolts of the game:

• It wouldn't be an Animal Crossing game if you didn't work for that miserly trash panda Tom Nook.   Specifically, you are a designer at Nook's Homes which is a delightful little home renovation business introduced in AC: New Leaf.  Your first client comes in willingly but, after that, you're sent out to the street to drum up business.  The more houses you design, the more furniture, wallpaper, flooring, etc. becomes available to you.  Unlike the previous AC games, you design the inside and outside of your clients' homes based on the theme they request.  

• First things first, I'm the realest you choose the location from a map of the town.  (Incidentally, you can build multiple houses on the same site.  So the perfect site for one house will still be there when another client comes along.)  There are desert plots, beachfront property, mountain top vistas.  You can then tap the site to change the season.  You choose from several styles and sizes of houses, you can change the roofing, the siding, the style of door and fence.  You can add trees, shrubbery, and outdoor furniture like picnic tables, birdbaths, various pieces of sports equipment.  So much stuff.  (The ability to customize your yard is something that is sorely lacking in the AC games.)  You can get creative by using typical indoor decor such as lamps and rugs to customize your clients' outdoor living space.  

• And decorating inside the house?  That's even more awesome.  My one criticism, though?  Even if you give your client a mansion, you are still only going to decorate one room.  You can get creative and divide it with panels and screens and large pieces of furniture.  But the absolute best part?  You can hang light fixtures, ceiling fans, hanging plants, bunting...  It's like decorating a real life house except better because there is no pesky wiring to worry with.  Did you unlock an item that you know would be perfect in a previous client's house?  Don't worry.  You can visit them and add to the decor whenever you want.  Although, sometimes you'll catch them chilling in bed.  That can get awkward.
  
  

  

  Pekoe feeling zen.

•  You can use your Play Coins to unlock "design lessons" which allow you to refurbish furniture and other things...  (To be honest, I haven't unlocked many things yet.)  

Typical me.  Sitting down on the job.

• Isabelle, your loyal assistant from New Leaf, will show up and allow you to start designing projects in the downtown area such as a school, a hospital, and a cafe.  These projects are a bit more demanding because you will be provided with a list of items that must be included to pass muster.  However, working on these projects unlocks lots of other decor items that aren't strictly household items.  Think copy machines and soda fountains.  As the game progresses, the town expands and you may be asked to expand on previously completed projects as well as have the opportunity to start new ones. 

• Last, but most definitely not least, amiiboooooos!  **read in your best Oprah voice**  (I ordered the game with an amiibo reader because I'm still using an older 3DS.)  You can add your favorite AC neighbors to the game using the amiibo cards.  There are even special characters like Resetti and KK Slider.  For the most part, these special characters give you carte blanche when it comes to decorating but special items will pop up in your inventory  that you know is meant for them.  I mean... how are you going to personalize Harriet's house without a vanity or basket of beauty products?

• The game play, overall, is entirely relaxing.  A great game to zone out with at the end of the work day or before bed.  Sure you have clients to please but they're pretty laid back when it comes to their homes.  (They are animals, after all.)   

Lopez can't wait for me to leave so he can chew on the furniture.

What I did on my blogging vacation

Don't let the title mislead you.  I didn't actually go on vacation.  I just took a mostly involuntary vacation from blogging.
So what have I been up to?  How about a bullet list?

• Personal life stuff:  I said goodbye to my bestest furry friend of 11 years in July.  Unfortunately, he was suffering from some degenerative mental issues which were making him aggressive towards our other dog and people.  Also, I've been ill with a mystery disease that the doctors here aren't that eager to find the cause of/treatment for.  *sigh*  I see a specialist in December because he's booked until then.  Small town life.  Gotta love it!  Anyway, I've been tired, achy, and just generally feeling like I'm coming down with the flu.  I have had the downtime to read and watch TV, though, so it's not all bad.
• Reading:  I've been reading lots of books on Buddhism lately.  My two favorites so far:  Transform Your Life:  A Blissful Journey by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso and Buddhism:  Plain and Simple by Steve Hagen. I also read a couple Ann Rule books and I'm working through a book of Anne Sexton poetry.
• Playing:  I've been farming it up on Story of Seasons but then Happy Home Designer (an Animal Crossing spinoff game) came out and I've been spending my gaming time designing houses for adorable critters.  (Expect a full report at a later date.)

• Watching:  Season 6 of The League, season 4 of Once Upon a Time, season 1 of The Following, and season 1 of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.  I've also been re-watching all the Star Wars movies which has incited a household feud of which movie was better:  Return of the Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back.  Obviously Return of the Jedi was better because Ewoks.  Duh!

I hope to get back to blogging, even if it means I only crank out one post a week.  But I'm going to shoot for two because dream big, right?

Damn Fine Vidya Games: Kirby's Adventure

**Damn Fine Vidya Games is written by my other half, Mr. Coffee, about his love for retro video games.**
 
Hello nerd boys and girls,

A close friend (who I used to respect) told me he had never played a Kirby game.  In fact he admitted that he only knew Kirby from the ever popular Smash Bros’ series to which I replied "BALLS" and stormed off to play one of my favorite games of all time: Kirby’s Adventure for the NES.
Of course I returned to lend my friend every Kirby game I owned so that he might educate himself.

Kirby made his debut in 1992 on the Game Boy.  My parents denied me one of those fancy portable gaming devices so I didn’t formally meet Kirby until 1993 on the NES.  Being the cute little pink ball of joy that Kirby is, the game may have been originally bought for my sister.  I’m pretty sure I stepped in when she couldn’t get past the first boss and just never gave the controller back. 

In case you don't know Kirby, he is rotund floating pink warrior of Dream Land who inhales his enemies and then uses their powers against them.  In Kirby's Adventure, Kirby awakens to find that King Dedede has stolen the Star Rod and all of the dreams of the people of Dream Land!  Our cotton candy-colored hero takes it upon himself to risk life and limb to retrieve the Star Rod and return all of those purloined dreams. 
   
The game play is a masterpiece of the time.  The visual side-scroller easily has the best graphics of any NES game and the music suits the dreamlike state of the game perfectly.  Kirby can do it all: run, jump, attack, and, of course, consume his enemies and, in turn, their powers.  The first time I made Kirby eat the little fire enemies and then spit fire I almost cried with joy.  Compared to Mario’s limited jumping action, Kirby was light years ahead of other games.
Side note:  This was the first game to have one of the best villains in the Nintendo universe, Meta Knight! He’s the most adorable flame sword wielding badass ever.

Kirby’s Adventure can be found on the Game Boy Advance, the Wii's virtual console, Nintendo DS, the Wii U virtual console, and, if you want to splurge, you can find a copy of the 20th anniversary Kirby’s Dream Collection for the Wii. 

If you have never played a Kirby game, this is the one for you.  Go play it right meow!

Damn Fine Vidya Games: Halo: Combat Evolved

Hello nerd boys and girls,

I'm willing to bet that everyone who has played video games in the last 15 years has heard of the Halo series.  I’m also willing to bet that a significant portion of gamers haven’t played the original Halo game: Combat Evolved.  Halo is the defining game of the Xbox generation of games and deserves a large place in video game history.

First and foremost: I do not play many first person shooter (FPS) games.  I do not play Call of Duty, or Half-Life, or Battlefield.  I’m sure those are probably good games (they are certainly popular), but I don't generally like that style of gaming with the one large exception being Halo.
“But why?”
“Isn’t Halo just another FPS?”
No way!

Halo was, in my opinion, a revolutionary game and it all started with Combat Evolved.  Initially, the multiplayer is what drew me in.  A friend called “Come over and play Halo.  We’ll link up systems”.  I was skeptical and declined but, after weeks of pestering, I gave into my friends and joined them for a Halo LAN party.  Halo: CE was released before Xbox Live existed, so if you wanted more than four players, LAN parties became life.  Nothing quite like the thrill of yelling “go fuck yourself” across a room as you stuck a grenade to someone’s face. 

Halo: Combat Evolved was released for the original Xbox in 2001 as a launch title which meant everyone owned it.  The story revolves around Master Chief (you) and your artificial intelligence guide (Cortana) responding to an attack by the Covenant who are a species of alien bound together by their religion.  During a battle with the Covenant your ship is damaged and you crash land on Halo.  The rest of the game is spent learning what exactly Halo is while trying to survive an onslaught of aliens.  Halo is so well written and so compelling that the player ends up feeling like a large part of the game and story.  In fact, Halo players have felt such a deep connection to Master Chief and Cortana that the series has spawned multiple games, a book series, a comic series, a web series, and a full length movie. 

Since it’s inception Halo: CE has been repackaged twice, once as a high-def anniversary remake for the Xbox 360 and as part of the Master Chief Collection for the Xbox One.  I recommend picking up the anniversary edition (still easy to find) and playing through the game twice.  This edition allows the player to seamlessly change between the HD and original versions.  My suggestion is to first play through the original on "easy" and then play the HD version on whatever difficulty you like.  If you like FPS games, you'll be a natural.  If you’re like me, and FPS games aren't your favorite,  I implore you to try Halo: Combat Evolved on for size.  It’s a great game and should be played at least once by casual and pro gamers alike.

It's the time of the season

For a new Harvest Moon game:

Always pre-order the games that come with adorable bunnies

I haven't always been a fan of the Harvest Moon franchise.  Simulated farming?  Who wants to do that?  I attempted to play a version for the PlayStation but the hours in the day went by too quickly and I'd find my little farmer fainting before he could even plant one lousy field.  Years later I decided to give it another shot on my DS with Harvest Moon:  Grand Bazaar.  I sunk hours and hours into the game.  I dreamed about it.  I named my children after its characters.  Then I got to a stopping point and I ended up trading it in.
Then came The Tale of Two Towns which just never quite filled the hole in my heart left by Grand Bazaar.  So I was skeptical  when my local Game Stop advisers tried to talk up Story of Seasons.

GSA:  "But, you love Harvest Moon-type games.  We know you'll like it."

Me:  "I can't just be giving my heart to random games that don't make me feel like I'm the only player for them.   I want a love like I had with Grand Bazaar."

GSA:  "If you pre-order, you get this adorable stuffed rabbit!"

Me:  "Shut up and take my money!"

Story of Seasons (SoS for brevity's sake) has a lot of features customary to most of the Harvest Moon games:
You find yourself the owner of a rundown farm
You buy animals and raise crops
You can hunt around town for herbs, flowers, building materials, etc.
You can build relationships with your fellow townsfolk and, eventually, get hitched
The Nature Sprites make an appearance in this game (What can you do with them?  Um, let me get back to you on that.)

SoS features a Trade Depot where people from neighboring towns come to hawk their wares.  This is where you can buy animals and tools, materials, and seeds that aren't found in your town.  You can also swim in the surrounding rivers to find fish and materials like gem stones and iron.  Blueprints are needed to build animal houses, a refrigerator, fences for your farm, and for upgrading your farm tools.
As you progress in the game, it is possible to rent other fields that have special purposes like mushroom farming and beekeeping.  The only problem is you have to compete with the other farmers in town for the rights to use the fields.  One of the farmers lives in a damn mansion!  Seriously?  I can't compete with that.   Must be nice when all your farming is handled by the hired help.
I spend the majority of my farming day working on my fields and taking care of my animals.  One of my cows had a baby.  So freaking exciting.  I can't wait to be able to raise angora rabbits and llamas and whatever other critters SoS throws my way.
The relationship aspect bores me.  I talk to everyone in town, but I find the intricacies of finding a man to settle down with to be too tedious.  I have to cook his favorite meal so he'll like me?  How fucking cliche!  I just want to harvest my turnips and play with my cows and chickens.
I'm a loner, Dottie.  A rebel.

Life is just a fantasy

Can you live this Fantasy Life?

I had played Animal Crossing:  New Leaf for a solid year when I decided it was time for a change.  Luckily, I have a friend (that isn't just a website) in the know and she started sending me trailers for a game called Fantasy Life.

Her:  It's an RPG...  But I think you'll like it.
Me:  RPG?  Like do I have to battle stuff?
Her:  Yes.  But I still think you'll really like it.

I'm more of a lover than a fighter, but I decided to pre-order anyway because I  like to try new things.  And by "new things" I mean games that require nothing more than me sitting on my couch and pushing buttons.  I'm adventurous like that.
So Fantasy Life starts out with you picking a "life" which is your job.  I picked wizard because I like to get my Harry Potter on and, frankly, jobs like angler sound boring as hell.  Each life gets its own mentor that you have to check in with as your skills progress.  My mentor was... a cat.  Holy cliche, Batman!
The main storyline is the same no matter what life you pick:  The land you inhabit, Reveria,  is beginning to fall apart and you are the only one to save it!  Are you intrigued by the oh-so-original plot yet?  Also totally original elements of gameplay:  battling wild critters to level up, meeting people that you can later invite to your party, and finding special items in treasure chests throughout the game.  Groundbreaking!
Your mentor will give you quests that you complete for "bliss" points which allow you to level up but also move forward with the story line.  Bliss also helps you earn things like pets which you can take with you on your adventures.  (This was probably my favorite part of the game.)
Bliss is also earned by doing favors for the people you run into on your travels through Reveria.   At some point it becomes a necessity to visit the guild and change lives to do these favors for people.  And then, when you think you're off the hook, they turn around and ask you for yet another favor.  Talk about a pain in the ass.
I can say that based on time-sinkability (It's a word!) and its cuteness alone, I would definitely recommend Fantasy Life for beginners and seasoned gamers alike.  I found the game to be pretty challenging as it progressed.  If we're being completely honest here, I'm stuck in the last part of the game and I'm not actually sure if I need to change lives to progress or not.  Being the easily distracted and stubborn gamer I am, I have swapped out Fantasy Life for Story of Seasons (review to come) until I break down and get some walkthrough help.

Damn Fine Vidya Games: Conker's Bad Fur Day

**Damn Fine Vidya Games is written by my other half, Mr. Coffee, about his love for retro video games.**

Hello nerd boys and girls,

This week I’m reviewing Conker’s Bad Fur Day.

Some history:  Conker made his debut in the 2001 N64 game: Conker’s Bad Fur Day.  I first experienced Conker that same year for approximately ten minutes.  I was at a friend’s house when he stuck a copy of his dad’s game into the console.  After a couple of long cut scenes and a little gameplay, his dad came in, saw what we were playing,  and took the game away. The few minutes of play left some indelible images (Berri the bunny doing some suggestive aerobics.  The tiny Grim Reaper.) on my teenaged brain.   Conker was originally developed as a kids game called Conker’s Quest.  Due to criticism of the game's "cutesy" theme, the team at Rare decided to take the game in a more mature sex, drugs, and booze direction.  I got to play the full game a few years later on an emulator and loved every second. 

The game centers itself around Conker, a drunken squirrel who just wants to get home to Berri (his hot bunny girlfriend) after a long night of drinking.  Too bad for Conker that the ruler of the land, King Panther, has decided he wants a red squirrel to replace one of the legs on his table.  Hilarity ensues as Conker evades King Panther’s minions, faces a pile of opera-singing poop, and tries to find his way to Berri.  Conker's journey is a miraculous piece of video gaming history that deserves to be replayed over and over.

This is not an easy game, and I don’t recommend it for beginners.  The control scheme mirrors Mario 64.  If you've practiced with the N64’s control stick in open world games, it should be fairly easy.  I invited a friend over to play and he spent a lot of time getting used to the controls and complained that they were too blocky compared to current consoles.  Rare planned a sequel to Bad Fur Day called Conker’s Other Bad Day, but, due to the commercial failure of the original game, it never happened.  Microsoft did pump out a quick remake called Conker: Live and Reloaded, but it didn’t play well because it failed to recreate the amount of exact detail Rare originally spent creating the original N64 game.

My old friend Conker was recently in the news because Microsoft decided to announce the cocktease that was a Conker reboot.  Unfortunately for those that love our little drunken squirrel friend, the company Microsoft approached with the idea turned it down.  Will Conker ever get to put his squirrel nuts in Berri’s carrot hole?  We may never know.  (Hopefully we’ll still get to see the Perfect Dark and Banjo reboot games we’ve been promised.)  In the meantime go find a way to play Conker’s Bad Fur Day!

Pop Cutie

I was hesitant to write gaming posts, but I do play games so I guess I could be considered a gamer.  A casual gamer?  A recreational use gamer?
Growing up with three brothers, I was constantly exposed to video games but I only got to play them when someone wanted to test out a new fatality code for Mortal Kombat.  When I finally did get a little gaming time in I would inevitably try to make Mario jump by yanking up on the controller and end up in a pit of lava.  One of the my brothers would sigh.  The other would laugh.  The other would take the controller and "teach me" how to play, which meant he was going to play for 3 hours straight and why didn't I go play with my Barbies or something?
Moving forward to a very boring trip to Pennsylvania where it rained the entire time and, perhaps sensing the impending outbreak of my cabin fever, one of the teenagers took pity on my and offered the use of a Nintendo DS and the game Animal Crossing.  And it was good.
You mean I'm not limited to the doing the same levels over and over again?  A spandex-clad ninja isn't going to rip my spine out through my throat?  I can befriend talking animals?  What sorcery is this?
As soon as I got home, I went out and procured my own DS and a copy of Animal Crossing and proceeded to sink hours of my life into the game.  And when life in my town got repetitive, I began to seek out similar games:  the cuter, the better.
Which lead me to Pop Cutie!  Street Fashion Simulation.  The game had a tiny blurb in a Game Informer (It's not Call of Duty.  I'm lucky GI gave it the time of day.)  and I immediately knew I had to have it.

Domestic help chic! Source

The gameplay is fairly simple:  You are given a stall at a sort of upscale flea market to run.  You are in charge of designing the clothes you need to sell, stocking the clothes, assisting customers, and hiring employees.  Your work day is spent walking along the street outside the market and talking to people who tell you what the latest trends are.  You want to stock up on trendy things so you can make those dolla dolla bills, y'all.

Pink kitties are a timeless classic.  Source

The fashion design aspect was somewhat laughable.  Clothing styles were presented based on chosen keywords and then you could choose the colors.  If you were worthy enough, you got called into a "Fashion Battle" where you dressed a model, based on a trend or theme and had to compete against some rather colorful characters, your rivals.  Battle wins and your shop sales helped you advance in the game and actually graduate from selling knockoff Louis Vuittons at the flea market to owning your own boutique.  Tres chic! 
True to my gaming roots, I never won the fashion battles.  I was too busy toiling away in my shop to care.  I was a designer for the people, dammit.  Ain't nobody got time for haute couture. 
Pop Cutie was definitely a time sink and, because it was originally released in Japan, it definitely did not disappoint in the cute department.  Your mailman is a robot, you are often helped by an alien frog (because alien frogs know everything about fashion), and a mentor dressed in kigurumi.  It's the perfect mix of playability, kawaii, and quirkiness.