Freaky Friday: Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

Ah, slasher films.
My first experience with horror films was a slasher film. I'm pretty sure it was Jason Takes Manhattan edited to death on USA.  I remember being only slightly scared and laughing as Jason met another demise in the NYC sewer system.  I told my mother, who never gave a toss to emotional scarring, and she said that was nothing and I had to watch the original.  From there I graduated to Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Sleepaway Camp... 
I didn't sleep much but damn were my friends jealous of my viewing habits.
Where was I?
Oh, right.  Slasher films.  Imagine filming a documentary in a world where slasher greats like Michael Myers and Freddy Krueger actually exist and you get Behind the Mask:  The Rise of Leslie Vernon.  The documentary crew follows up-and-coming psycho killer Leslie Vernon as he prepares for the odious task of killing off a houseful of teenagers.
Leslie works under the "rules" set forth by his killer role models, sort of Scream-esque where sexual freedom is a one way ticket to an axe to the head and you should never tell anyone that you will "be right back". 

BRB!  LOL!  JK!

As the movie progresses, the documentary crew realizes that Leslie actually plans to go through with his plans and they try to talk him out of it which is when the movie hooks a one-eighty from darkly humorous "mockumentary" to "shit just got real" slasher film.
On a one to five star rating system, I'd give Behind the Mask a solid three.  The idea was a refreshing change of pace from the tired new horror that Hollywood has been ramming down our throats since the first Paranormal Activity.  The humor was definitely suffering from a lack of timing.  Parts that should have been funny weren't and parts that seemed to be serious were delivered in an almost slapstick manner.  But maybe I just don't get the nuances of black comedy horror genre.
Have you seen it?
How did it make you feel?
Do you hate horror movies and wish I would talk more freely about my secret love of rom-coms?

Help for the Self

Last summer I got sucked into a vortex of self help books that spit me out sometime around October.  They mostly centered around positivity and affirmations and the oh so "secret"  law of attraction.  I read so many, in fact, I'm completely confident I could write my own.  Then I thought "You're much too lazy to write an entire book".  Then I thought maybe I could inspire others to write their own self help books.

I'll CliffsNotes my expert advice for you now:

First things first, are you a life coach?  I won't say it's a necessity but how can you expect to be taken seriously if you can't share anecdotes about your life coaching clients?  Life coach=life expert as far as I'm concerned.  If you have a couple hours and $100 bucks to spare, you could get our life coaching certification online right now.

If you don't have the word "positivity" in your book at least 2000 times, you're probably doing it wrong.

Other expressions you should overuse:
Being present
Limiting beliefs
Intention
Consciousness
Visualization
Grounding
Intentional grounding  (Oh, wait.  That's football.)

Leave lots of blank pages after asking open-ended questions.  You shouldn't have to do all the writing work, amirite?

Be vague.  Write about a point in your life when you felt down, low, and miserable but never share the details.  You wouldn't want to connect to your readers on a human level would you?  You should leave them wanting more so they subscribe to your blog, your Instagram, your Facebook, and follow you on Twitter.  (PS-  You should have all those accounts anyway.   How else are people going to find out about your life coaching services?)

You could actually use the opposite approach and be very specific about a sad time in your life but make sure it makes you appear over-privileged or completely out of touch with reality.  That time the Corvette dealership was out of black cars and you were completely devastated for that month it took to have one special ordered?  You should totally share that.  People going through a divorce or the death of a loved one that have picked up your book for comfort are sure to relate to your struggles.

Have you thought about a cover for your book?  How about a flower?  Or your face?  Or your face superimposed on a flower?  Or you on a beach.  Dangle a crystal between your eyes.  Hold a yoga pose.  While balancing on a dolphin.  A dolphin that is riding on a rainbow wave of cosmic energy.  I mean synergy.

Batman:  Self help guru  **source**

And, finally, talk about yoga. If everyone did yoga they wouldn't need self help books.  Because yoga.