Freaky Friday: The Houses October Built

The Houses October Built is about the least favorite part of one of my favorite holidays: the "haunted" houses that pop up around Halloween.  At the tender age of seven, I was invited to a fall carnival with a schoolmate.  I would have been perfectly happy to stick to the kiddie rides but my friend suggested we walk through the haunted house.  There wasn't anything too terrifying until my friend pushed on a trap door in a wall and disappeared.  I was trapped in a tiny room, unable to go backward.  I pushed the same trap door and it wouldn't budge.  I pushed and kicked every inch of wall I could reach until, eventually, I resorted to a tactic any scared shitless seven-year-old would do:  I cried.  Bawled my eyes out would be more appropriate.  Eventually a carnival worker took pity on me and rescued me.  (The door that lead outside was indeed stuck.)  And for some reason, that friend never invited me anywhere else.
**I still remember her.  Her name was Bonnie.  She could speak Chinese and English and had the cutest bobbed hair.  If you see this Bonnie, I'm sorry and I promised I've stopped crying in public... mostly.**
Oh right... the movie.  The Houses October Built is a mockumentary about a group of people who set out the week before Halloween to find the creepiest seasonal haunted houses, referred to as "haunts", "in the country" (according to Netflix) but, in reality, in Louisiana and south Texas.  The documentary footage is interspersed with interviews from haunt workers talking about people who have died attempting to scare people and why they choose to work at the haunts come Halloween time.

Perhaps the most horrifying part of the movie is being the only chick in an RV full of dudes.

The documentary crew's ultimate goal is finding a sort of "secret society" haunt where the scare actors have carte blanche.  And then they get the bright idea to sort of shakedown the haunt workers to see where the top grade haunts are hidden.  Why they think that's a good idea is beyond me.  Have these people not seen Freaks?  You just don't fuck with carnival worker-type folks and expect to walk away unscathed.  (Except for my haunted house savior.  Please don't come kill me in my sleep, good sir!)
One of the creepiest houses they walked through reminded me of a mashup between Silent Hill and Resident Evil:  Code Veronica X (with the Ashford dude that dressed up like his dead sister).  There were lots of creepy clowns and creepy children.  *shudder*
 I give the movie an "A" for effort in originality.  HOB seemed to lose its documentary feel towards the end which is a bit tragic.  Overall, though, the movie managed to be creepy without being gory.  We were even spared the ubiquitous "topless horror actress" scene.   Perhaps, though, that's the real tragedy.
If you can find it in yourself to look past the lack of nudity, I would definitely recommend giving HOB a watch.  
 

Damn Fine Vidya Games: Kirby's Adventure

**Damn Fine Vidya Games is written by my other half, Mr. Coffee, about his love for retro video games.**
 
Hello nerd boys and girls,

A close friend (who I used to respect) told me he had never played a Kirby game.  In fact he admitted that he only knew Kirby from the ever popular Smash Bros’ series to which I replied "BALLS" and stormed off to play one of my favorite games of all time: Kirby’s Adventure for the NES.
Of course I returned to lend my friend every Kirby game I owned so that he might educate himself.

Kirby made his debut in 1992 on the Game Boy.  My parents denied me one of those fancy portable gaming devices so I didn’t formally meet Kirby until 1993 on the NES.  Being the cute little pink ball of joy that Kirby is, the game may have been originally bought for my sister.  I’m pretty sure I stepped in when she couldn’t get past the first boss and just never gave the controller back. 

In case you don't know Kirby, he is rotund floating pink warrior of Dream Land who inhales his enemies and then uses their powers against them.  In Kirby's Adventure, Kirby awakens to find that King Dedede has stolen the Star Rod and all of the dreams of the people of Dream Land!  Our cotton candy-colored hero takes it upon himself to risk life and limb to retrieve the Star Rod and return all of those purloined dreams. 
   
The game play is a masterpiece of the time.  The visual side-scroller easily has the best graphics of any NES game and the music suits the dreamlike state of the game perfectly.  Kirby can do it all: run, jump, attack, and, of course, consume his enemies and, in turn, their powers.  The first time I made Kirby eat the little fire enemies and then spit fire I almost cried with joy.  Compared to Mario’s limited jumping action, Kirby was light years ahead of other games.
Side note:  This was the first game to have one of the best villains in the Nintendo universe, Meta Knight! He’s the most adorable flame sword wielding badass ever.

Kirby’s Adventure can be found on the Game Boy Advance, the Wii's virtual console, Nintendo DS, the Wii U virtual console, and, if you want to splurge, you can find a copy of the 20th anniversary Kirby’s Dream Collection for the Wii. 

If you have never played a Kirby game, this is the one for you.  Go play it right meow!

Hits: A quick and dirty movie rec

I didn't quite know what I would be getting into when I added Hits to my queue but sometimes I like to wander outside my comfort zone of mindless comedies and B-grade horror.
Hits centers around a man named Dave Stuben who lives in a small economically-depressed town in upstate New York named Liberty.  Dave's hobbies include bringing home trash from his place of employment and voicing his various complaints at the town council meetings.  Dave's daughter is an aspiring, yet horribly untalented, singer who is obsessed with fame, no matter the costs.  After a video of Dave getting arrested at a particularly heated town meeting goes viral on Youtube, all hell breaks loose.

Written and directed by my favorite anus tart, David Cross.

Hits is a combination of small town living meets Internet bandwagon-ing.  There is a yearning in almost every character that is almost palpable.  The yearning for something more.  Then there is the desperation that sinks in as the townsfolk watch their dreams begin to visibly crumble.  The struggle is interwoven with the reality that almost every moment of our lives are now subject to being recorded and posted to the Internet.  Viral videos and "vaguebooking" and sex tapes and jumping on causes because everyone else is doing it are the undoing of Liberty, NY and a great commentary on our society's online behavior as a whole.
Man, I'm deep.

The devil of Hell's Kitchen

For the past couple of months, everywhere I'd go, people would ask me the same question:
"Would you like fries with that and, OMG, have you seen Daredevil?!?!"
"Your total comes to 32.50 and you should really watch Daredevil."
"You haven't seen Daredevil?  I don't think we can be friends anymore."
I was beginning to think Netflix had implemented some sort of word-of-mouth affiliate program or maybe, just maybe, Daredevil was just that good.
I really wanted to watch Daredevil but I was still a little gun shy after Ben Affleck's embarrassing  portrayal of Matt Murdock in 2003.  Damn you, Ben Affleck!  (And don't even get me started about his upcoming Batman role.)
For those who are new to the whole Daredevil franchise, Daredevil is the vigilante alter ego of Matt Murdock.  As a child, Murdock was involved in a toxic waste spill that robbed him of his sight but left his remaining senses in a super heightened state.  Little Matt's dad is killed by gangsters and, as an adult, he vows revenge.  He also becomes a lawyer.  When you're a masked vigilante, it's good to work both sides of the law that way.
Matt's back story is very well developed.  The show's writers also took the time to develop the back story of his nemesis Wilson Fisk, aka Kingpin (although he is never referenced as such in the show).  A gritty, dark New York City (chiefly, the neighborhood of Hell's Kitchen) is the perfect backdrop for each episode's round of underdog versus heavyweight champion.  I'm awarding bonus points for the use of my favorite dramatic device:  the Batman voice.  Almost every character, big and small, uses the husky whisper at some point in the show and it is nothing short of hilarious every. single. time.

I'm Batman.

I hesitate to call Daredevil a super hero (And feel free to disagree with me here.) because I hesitate to call Daredevil a super hero show.  Matt's acts of rogue justice seem more like stepping stones on his path to what is ultimately self-serving revenge rather than serving the "greater good".  In this way, Daredevil gets a lot more Batman-like.  What starts out as a personal vendetta ends up as a full-fledged "saving my city" (read in a husky whisper) crusade.  Luckily for our Daredevil, he only has to deal with one cray-cray at a time in the first season unlike poor Batman's nemeses who always seem to escape Arkham in freaking droves.   (Side note:  If ever I should snap, please put me in Arkham.  My early release is almost guaranteed.)
I'd give Daredevil a seven out of ten.  The episodes' 55 minute run times can actually get a bit tedious.  However, the longer run time allows Daredevil to pack in plenty of (sometimes unnecessary) action (Seriously, who needs to back flip from rooftop to rooftop?) and bad guy ass-kicking but there is also drama and raw emotion and a pinch of romance.  Something for everyone!  Or maybe just you.  I won't tell anyone about your sensitive side.  

Freaky Friday: The Baba Ganoush

This Freaky Friday is brought to you by Mr. Coffee, the letter "B", and the number 5.37.


Hello nerd boys and girls,


I’m taking a break from video games to bring you a review of the latest horror movie being crammed down your throat by Netflix and your Facebook friends: The Babadook.  Just so you’re aware of my tastes, I have a long lasting love of horror movies, but especially terrible ones.  I subscribe to the church of Troll 2 and From Dusk Till Dawn sequels.  If a movie contains Bruce Campbell, Tom Savini, or was endorsed in some way by George Romero, then I am watching it.  Warning!  From this point forward this blog entry may contain spoilers (in white), though I will do my best to not ruin the ending. 


The Babadook is a movie you would label a "creature feature" or boogeyman style horror story where a child is afraid of something that the adults insist just does not exist.  In this movie that child is six-year-old Sam.  Sam’s father died in a car accident on the way to Sam's own birth and is being raised alone by his mother Amelia.  Like many six year olds, Sam is afraid of the monster in his closet, under his bed, in the attic, in the basement...  He rarely sleeps due to his fear and is an all around brat, in general.  Unlike most six year olds though, Sam builds Dennis the Menace-style weapons to defend himself.


Our other main character Amelia, Sam’s mother, is working as a hospice nurse and seems run down from working, raising Sam herself, and struggling through what appears to be a lonely, hard life for the past six years.  To add to Amelia’s stress, Sam gets removed from school for bringing one of his many handcrafted weapons with him.  Amelia’s only outlet is her sister Claire who has a daughter, Ruby.  Ruby’s birthday is close to Sam’s so they share a party every year.  (Every year except this one, of course.)  This is partially due to Amelia’s painful experience of losing her husband on her son’s actual birthday but mostly because a joint party is cheaper and less stressful, obviously.


So what the hell is a babadook?  Well, one night Amelia allows Sam to choose a bedtime story.  He pulls down a book that Amelia has never seen before titled Mister Babadook.  This book tells the story of a being that haunts and tortures those aware of his existence.  His presence is preceded by the sound of a knocking “babadook dook dook” noise.

Grandma Ethel is not allowed to buy you books ever again.

  The book itself is modeled after a child’s pop-up book and, if I'm being honest, is probably one of the more creative horror devices I’ve seen.  Sam, who is already terrified of his own make-believe monsters, now has a name to put to his ever-increasing fears.  Sam’s brat-tastic behavior gets worse, and the house suddenly seems haunted, which Amelia, being the great mom she is, blames on Sam and he in turn blames on Mister Babadook.  Already frustrated by Sam’s behavior and suffering from a severe lack of sleep, Amelia tears the offending book apart and throws it in the trash. 


Is this the end of Babadook problem?  Um... no.  Sam suffers a seizure on the way home from his cousin's drama filled birthday party and Amelia brings him to the hospital get checked out.  The doctors find nothing wrong with Sam, but prescribe him sleeping pills which is something every six-year-old needs.  Relieved that her son is ok, and that she is finally going to get some sleep, things are looking up for Amelia.  Her peace doesn’t last long.  She awakes to find the Mister Babadook book not only intact but with new illustrations, specifically pictures of Amelia killing Sam.  She does what any sane person would do and destroys the book again along with reporting the incident to the police thinking she may have a stalker.  The police don’t believe her based on the lack of creepy book evidence and the vague implication that she may have some incriminating evidence on her person.  Namely, chalk on her hands.  The same chalk used in the Mister Babadook book?  *dun dun dun*


Up to this point in the film I was enjoying the story, the characters, and the tension.  I was asking myself: “Is the house haunted or is the kid just out of his mind?” and “Are they being stalked?” or “Did Amelia snap and is doing all this herself?”  A perfect mix of good writing and a true psychological horror where there are a number of possible paths and each could lead to an exciting and fulfilling climax.
And then it took a nosedive.
The latter half of the movie that attempts to answer these questions felt as if  a completely different writer and director had suddenly taken over a completely different movie.  What starts off as a creative and well thought out plot, turns into a heaping pile of horror movie garbage.  It sort of feels like the scene in Independence Day  where the White House gets blown up and you’re all excited about the awesome explosion but then remember that the White House being blown up is actually a bad thing.  Then Jeff Goldblum suggests that the highly advanced alien species can be brought down by a lowly human-engineered computer virus.  Balderdash! 
The Babadook is the horror movie equivalent of Independence Day: a great idea ruined by a seemingly rushed train wreck of an ending. 

**For those of you reading from 'Murica, enjoy your Independence Day weekend!**

The best mashup in the history of mashups

I love The Golden Girls.  I got the entire series for my birthday this year and it was everything I'd ever dreamed it could be.  But, to be honest, I set the bar pretty low when it comes to my hopes and dreams.

When I'm not binge watching TV shows, I am summoning the dead.  No big deal.

Of course, Twin Peaks is another favorite so I was stoked to see this post from Welcome to Twin Peaks show up on my Facebook feed.  The intro mashup is, of course, hilarious but the David Lynch-directed Golden Girls  may have caused my TP/GG lovin' heart to have a minor infarction.
By the time you read this, my house will have been invaded by four extra people but I will have a Freaky Friday post up for you written by the oh-so-charming Mr. Coffee.