Freaky Friday: Hemlock Grove

It's October which means everyone is sipping pumpkin spice lattes and watching dudes named Freddy and Michael terrorize teenagers out at old Camp Creepypasta.
The promise of Halloween sends my imagination into overdrive as I spend my nights reading /nosleep and then making my dog (Please don't call the ASPCA!) go down the hall first so I can use the bathroom without being murdered by someone with a hook for a hand or the demon that lives in the linen closet.
While I love scary movies, I also hate scary movies because, well, they scare me.  The kind of scary that sticks with you.  The kind of scary that causes you to swan dive across your bedroom at night after turning off the light because you know something is going to grab you in those five dark steps from the light switch to your bed.
So what do you do when you have Halloween spirit but you're a giant sissy?  Well, you can watch Hemlock Grove.  Especially if you like a healthy dose of "what the fuck" in your horror entertainment.
I was on the fence for months about Hemlock Grove.
What's it about?
Werewolves.
No... it's about vampires!
No... it's about both.
Both?  Like Twilight both?
It is definitely not like Twilight. 

Do you understand the script at all, bro?

Hemlock Grove is something of a murder mystery involving werewolves and day-walking (but not sparkly) vampires.  The characters are well-developed but there are times when the plot carves out enormous holes that it can't be bothered to fill in again.  Don't let that deter you, though, gentle viewers.  Just embrace your confusion.  Let it flow through you.  Or, you can be like me, and buy the book hoping for answers and end up even more confused.  (But it's a captivating read!)  The overall mood is that of secrecy and gloom.  A perfect complement to a gloomy October night?  I think so!
Both seasons are full of gore and sex.  Highlights include clandestine medical experiments, demonic babies, clairvoyants, a crash course in werewolf-ery, and a drop dead gorgeous 1957 Jaguar.  In the second season, there's even a nod to David Lynch and Twin Peaks.  Are you still reading?  Why aren't you watching Netflix???  
The third and final season debuts 23 October and the few articles I've read promise that this season will scramble to reassemble the craziness unleashed by the second season.  That means you have plenty of time to watch the first two seasons and get caught up.
To the couch with ye!

What I did on my blogging vacation

Don't let the title mislead you.  I didn't actually go on vacation.  I just took a mostly involuntary vacation from blogging.
So what have I been up to?  How about a bullet list?

• Personal life stuff:  I said goodbye to my bestest furry friend of 11 years in July.  Unfortunately, he was suffering from some degenerative mental issues which were making him aggressive towards our other dog and people.  Also, I've been ill with a mystery disease that the doctors here aren't that eager to find the cause of/treatment for.  *sigh*  I see a specialist in December because he's booked until then.  Small town life.  Gotta love it!  Anyway, I've been tired, achy, and just generally feeling like I'm coming down with the flu.  I have had the downtime to read and watch TV, though, so it's not all bad.
• Reading:  I've been reading lots of books on Buddhism lately.  My two favorites so far:  Transform Your Life:  A Blissful Journey by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso and Buddhism:  Plain and Simple by Steve Hagen. I also read a couple Ann Rule books and I'm working through a book of Anne Sexton poetry.
• Playing:  I've been farming it up on Story of Seasons but then Happy Home Designer (an Animal Crossing spinoff game) came out and I've been spending my gaming time designing houses for adorable critters.  (Expect a full report at a later date.)

• Watching:  Season 6 of The League, season 4 of Once Upon a Time, season 1 of The Following, and season 1 of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.  I've also been re-watching all the Star Wars movies which has incited a household feud of which movie was better:  Return of the Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back.  Obviously Return of the Jedi was better because Ewoks.  Duh!

I hope to get back to blogging, even if it means I only crank out one post a week.  But I'm going to shoot for two because dream big, right?

Freaky Friday: Odd Thomas

Odd Thomas starts out as a seemingly quirky action comedy movie with a supernatural bent.  Odd Thomas (played by the adorable Anton Yelchin) lives in a small town and just so happens to have the ability to see ghosts.  He uses his gift to help solve murders which, in turn, helps put the spirit to rest.  Unfortunately it's not a paying gig so Odd is also a showboating short-order cook at a local cafe.

If you like my psychic abilities, you should try my pancakes.

Odd begins to see some ghostly baddies that are out of the ordinary and, apparently, signal big trouble for the little town of Pico Mundo.  Odd has to save the town and himself while keeping his skills under wraps from friends and coworkers.  Does it lead to hilarious misunderstandings and people assuming that Odd has lost his marbles?  You betcha.
For a movie that deals with dead stuff and ghosts, it's actually quite tame.  So tame, in fact, I debated whether or not this should be a Freaky Friday-worthy movie.  But one girl's tame is another girl's freaky so I went with it.
The ending is predictable in an "ending with a twist" sort of way.  
Throughout the movie I was racking my brain trying to think of where I had heard the name Odd Thomas before.  It wasn't until the credits that I realized Odd Thomas is a series of books by Dean Koontz.  (Dean and I shared a brief but intense literary fling during my first year of junior high but I soon left him for VC Andrews and her love of incestuous siblings.)  I'm tempted to read the books because the movie glosses over the most interesting part of Odd's life which is communicating with the regular everyday dead folk.  I feel that could have been developed more instead of the emphasis on Odd's relationship with his girlfriend Stormy.
Romance in movies bores me.  Yeah, I said it.
Conclusion:
I give it a 3 out of 5 star rating.  It's definitely one of the more original movies I've watched in a while.  And it made me want to pick up where I left off with Dean Koontz.  Any good movie should make you revert back to your junior high self. 

Freaky Friday: The Houses October Built

The Houses October Built is about the least favorite part of one of my favorite holidays: the "haunted" houses that pop up around Halloween.  At the tender age of seven, I was invited to a fall carnival with a schoolmate.  I would have been perfectly happy to stick to the kiddie rides but my friend suggested we walk through the haunted house.  There wasn't anything too terrifying until my friend pushed on a trap door in a wall and disappeared.  I was trapped in a tiny room, unable to go backward.  I pushed the same trap door and it wouldn't budge.  I pushed and kicked every inch of wall I could reach until, eventually, I resorted to a tactic any scared shitless seven-year-old would do:  I cried.  Bawled my eyes out would be more appropriate.  Eventually a carnival worker took pity on me and rescued me.  (The door that lead outside was indeed stuck.)  And for some reason, that friend never invited me anywhere else.
**I still remember her.  Her name was Bonnie.  She could speak Chinese and English and had the cutest bobbed hair.  If you see this Bonnie, I'm sorry and I promised I've stopped crying in public... mostly.**
Oh right... the movie.  The Houses October Built is a mockumentary about a group of people who set out the week before Halloween to find the creepiest seasonal haunted houses, referred to as "haunts", "in the country" (according to Netflix) but, in reality, in Louisiana and south Texas.  The documentary footage is interspersed with interviews from haunt workers talking about people who have died attempting to scare people and why they choose to work at the haunts come Halloween time.

Perhaps the most horrifying part of the movie is being the only chick in an RV full of dudes.

The documentary crew's ultimate goal is finding a sort of "secret society" haunt where the scare actors have carte blanche.  And then they get the bright idea to sort of shakedown the haunt workers to see where the top grade haunts are hidden.  Why they think that's a good idea is beyond me.  Have these people not seen Freaks?  You just don't fuck with carnival worker-type folks and expect to walk away unscathed.  (Except for my haunted house savior.  Please don't come kill me in my sleep, good sir!)
One of the creepiest houses they walked through reminded me of a mashup between Silent Hill and Resident Evil:  Code Veronica X (with the Ashford dude that dressed up like his dead sister).  There were lots of creepy clowns and creepy children.  *shudder*
 I give the movie an "A" for effort in originality.  HOB seemed to lose its documentary feel towards the end which is a bit tragic.  Overall, though, the movie managed to be creepy without being gory.  We were even spared the ubiquitous "topless horror actress" scene.   Perhaps, though, that's the real tragedy.
If you can find it in yourself to look past the lack of nudity, I would definitely recommend giving HOB a watch.  
 

Damn Fine Vidya Games: Kirby's Adventure

**Damn Fine Vidya Games is written by my other half, Mr. Coffee, about his love for retro video games.**
 
Hello nerd boys and girls,

A close friend (who I used to respect) told me he had never played a Kirby game.  In fact he admitted that he only knew Kirby from the ever popular Smash Bros’ series to which I replied "BALLS" and stormed off to play one of my favorite games of all time: Kirby’s Adventure for the NES.
Of course I returned to lend my friend every Kirby game I owned so that he might educate himself.

Kirby made his debut in 1992 on the Game Boy.  My parents denied me one of those fancy portable gaming devices so I didn’t formally meet Kirby until 1993 on the NES.  Being the cute little pink ball of joy that Kirby is, the game may have been originally bought for my sister.  I’m pretty sure I stepped in when she couldn’t get past the first boss and just never gave the controller back. 

In case you don't know Kirby, he is rotund floating pink warrior of Dream Land who inhales his enemies and then uses their powers against them.  In Kirby's Adventure, Kirby awakens to find that King Dedede has stolen the Star Rod and all of the dreams of the people of Dream Land!  Our cotton candy-colored hero takes it upon himself to risk life and limb to retrieve the Star Rod and return all of those purloined dreams. 
   
The game play is a masterpiece of the time.  The visual side-scroller easily has the best graphics of any NES game and the music suits the dreamlike state of the game perfectly.  Kirby can do it all: run, jump, attack, and, of course, consume his enemies and, in turn, their powers.  The first time I made Kirby eat the little fire enemies and then spit fire I almost cried with joy.  Compared to Mario’s limited jumping action, Kirby was light years ahead of other games.
Side note:  This was the first game to have one of the best villains in the Nintendo universe, Meta Knight! He’s the most adorable flame sword wielding badass ever.

Kirby’s Adventure can be found on the Game Boy Advance, the Wii's virtual console, Nintendo DS, the Wii U virtual console, and, if you want to splurge, you can find a copy of the 20th anniversary Kirby’s Dream Collection for the Wii. 

If you have never played a Kirby game, this is the one for you.  Go play it right meow!

Hits: A quick and dirty movie rec

I didn't quite know what I would be getting into when I added Hits to my queue but sometimes I like to wander outside my comfort zone of mindless comedies and B-grade horror.
Hits centers around a man named Dave Stuben who lives in a small economically-depressed town in upstate New York named Liberty.  Dave's hobbies include bringing home trash from his place of employment and voicing his various complaints at the town council meetings.  Dave's daughter is an aspiring, yet horribly untalented, singer who is obsessed with fame, no matter the costs.  After a video of Dave getting arrested at a particularly heated town meeting goes viral on Youtube, all hell breaks loose.

Written and directed by my favorite anus tart, David Cross.

Hits is a combination of small town living meets Internet bandwagon-ing.  There is a yearning in almost every character that is almost palpable.  The yearning for something more.  Then there is the desperation that sinks in as the townsfolk watch their dreams begin to visibly crumble.  The struggle is interwoven with the reality that almost every moment of our lives are now subject to being recorded and posted to the Internet.  Viral videos and "vaguebooking" and sex tapes and jumping on causes because everyone else is doing it are the undoing of Liberty, NY and a great commentary on our society's online behavior as a whole.
Man, I'm deep.

The devil of Hell's Kitchen

For the past couple of months, everywhere I'd go, people would ask me the same question:
"Would you like fries with that and, OMG, have you seen Daredevil?!?!"
"Your total comes to 32.50 and you should really watch Daredevil."
"You haven't seen Daredevil?  I don't think we can be friends anymore."
I was beginning to think Netflix had implemented some sort of word-of-mouth affiliate program or maybe, just maybe, Daredevil was just that good.
I really wanted to watch Daredevil but I was still a little gun shy after Ben Affleck's embarrassing  portrayal of Matt Murdock in 2003.  Damn you, Ben Affleck!  (And don't even get me started about his upcoming Batman role.)
For those who are new to the whole Daredevil franchise, Daredevil is the vigilante alter ego of Matt Murdock.  As a child, Murdock was involved in a toxic waste spill that robbed him of his sight but left his remaining senses in a super heightened state.  Little Matt's dad is killed by gangsters and, as an adult, he vows revenge.  He also becomes a lawyer.  When you're a masked vigilante, it's good to work both sides of the law that way.
Matt's back story is very well developed.  The show's writers also took the time to develop the back story of his nemesis Wilson Fisk, aka Kingpin (although he is never referenced as such in the show).  A gritty, dark New York City (chiefly, the neighborhood of Hell's Kitchen) is the perfect backdrop for each episode's round of underdog versus heavyweight champion.  I'm awarding bonus points for the use of my favorite dramatic device:  the Batman voice.  Almost every character, big and small, uses the husky whisper at some point in the show and it is nothing short of hilarious every. single. time.

I'm Batman.

I hesitate to call Daredevil a super hero (And feel free to disagree with me here.) because I hesitate to call Daredevil a super hero show.  Matt's acts of rogue justice seem more like stepping stones on his path to what is ultimately self-serving revenge rather than serving the "greater good".  In this way, Daredevil gets a lot more Batman-like.  What starts out as a personal vendetta ends up as a full-fledged "saving my city" (read in a husky whisper) crusade.  Luckily for our Daredevil, he only has to deal with one cray-cray at a time in the first season unlike poor Batman's nemeses who always seem to escape Arkham in freaking droves.   (Side note:  If ever I should snap, please put me in Arkham.  My early release is almost guaranteed.)
I'd give Daredevil a seven out of ten.  The episodes' 55 minute run times can actually get a bit tedious.  However, the longer run time allows Daredevil to pack in plenty of (sometimes unnecessary) action (Seriously, who needs to back flip from rooftop to rooftop?) and bad guy ass-kicking but there is also drama and raw emotion and a pinch of romance.  Something for everyone!  Or maybe just you.  I won't tell anyone about your sensitive side.