Damn Fine Vidya Games: LoZ: Twilight Princess

**Damn Fine Vidya Games is written by my other half, Mr. Coffee, about his love for retro video games.**
 
Hello nerd boys and girls,

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess for the Nintendo GameCube is the best Zelda game.  (I’m sure I’ll be receiving some hate for that statement.)  Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of all things Zelda, but this game still stands out as the best.  Let me tell my feelings and then you can agree or disagree or agree to disagree.

Twilight Princess was released for GameCube in 2006 after being purposely delayed a year so that it could be released for the Wii at the same time.  This was the last Nintendo game released for the GameCube and didn’t get much press or play, especially since the Wii version was touting its fancy new motion controls.  I’ve played both versions and let me tell you... motion controls are dumb.  Plus, the Wii version makes Link right handed which is wrong according to every other Zelda game ever.

 So, there I was, a young lad of 21, sitting down to play what I expected to be a slightly more advanced version, based solely on the grown up picture of Link on the cover and the"T for Teen" rating, of previous Zelda games.  After a few quick cut scenes and a useful tutorial, I was proven wrong, so very wrong.  Suddenly, incredibly I was a werewolf  tasked with taking down The King of Twilight and, of course, rescuing Zelda under the guidance of a ballsy little imp named Midna.

The game play is more complex than most Zelda games due to the open 3D world environment and plenty of sub-quests to keep you busy.  I do not recommend this game for the casual gamer.  The story is dark, sad, and emotionally painful.   The music is near perfect and adds to the somber tone of the entire game.  If you are looking for a happy or Zelda game, look elsewhere.  (Try Wind Waker!)

Twilight Princess will always hold a special place in my heart.  For weeks on end, I put the game in my GameCube, closed that purple lid, and didn’t stop playing except to eat, shower, and work.  I actually quit smoking while I played this game, not for health reasons, but because my smoke breaks were breaking up my game play and mood.
Find a copy of the GameCube version, and then spend a little quality time with your GameCube (or Wii because backwards compatible, dawg) and plug it in for this Zelda essential that deserves your love and attention.

Day in the Life

I thought it would be fun to do a "day in the life" post because those are one of my favorite type of posts to read.
0645:  Ugh... I don't want to get up because it's cold and wet and foggy but I have to take the little person to school so I wake up the supposed "right way" with lemon water.

It's too dark at this ungodly hour to bother with decent photography.

After breakfast and walks to school, I have a debate with myself whether or not I actually want to go to the gym.  The gym usually wins because a workout cancels the guilt on those days when I eat Cheetos and iced coffee for lunch.

At least my gym shoes are cute.

My gym is across the street from a pond, so I get this view on the way out of the parking lot.  It's usually less foggy and I like to watch the resident geese strong-arming the park goers for food.

Yes, that's a pile of dirty snow.

When I get home, I shower and make myself a quick Tofurky sandwich for lunch.

Optical illusion courtesy of my sushi cutting board.

The long, boring drive through nothing to the next town to get my teeth cleaned. I hate getting my teeth cleaned. I never got over my childhood dislike of the dentist.  Also, the half hour drive through dairy farmland doesn't sweeten the deal at all.

I truly live in the middle of nowhere.

I didn't realize I had to have x-rays taken so I reward myself with a little trip to Dollar Tree.  There was a couple shopping in the store with a toddler and they were being incredibly loud and making completely inappropriate comments to one another in front of their kidlet.  I was embarrassed for them.  And it didn't help at all with the migraine I could feel brewing in my temples.

I absolutely love this signage for the Sands Center.  So cute!

Coffee for the drive home and to try and ward off the aforementioned migraine.  Why would I bring medicine with me?  That would be too much like preparation. 

I'm in park, I swear.

By the time I got home I had to walk over to the school and pick up the kiddo and, by that time, my head was throbbing and the day ended on the couch wrapped in my Snuggie.  Sorry, no pictures.

Freaky Friday: Crazy Love

Normally I choose to watch documentaries because I'm familiar with the story/case/people involved.  Crazy Love, however, was an exception to the rule.  Normally I would be so tempted to Google the people named in the summary description but, this time, I'm so glad I didn't.  A documentary with a plot twist?  Hells yeah!
Crazy Love starts off detailing the backgrounds of Burt Pugach  and Linda Riss.  Their story is told through the words of Burt and Linda (along with their friends and family) and, my personal favorite, pictures.  They were both stylish, living their adult lives in the New York City of the 1950s.  Burt was a lawyer and family man and Linda (10 years his junior) was a swinging single gal looking to settle down with Mr. Right.

You so crazy.  I wanna have yo babies.

Unfortunately for Linda, she met Burt Pugach instead.  After a whirlwind courtship, gifts, and vacations, she discovered Burt was a married man and broke off their relationship.  Having attended the school of "If I can't have you, no one can have you", Burt reacted to getting dumped by hiring a local thug to throw lye in Linda's face, blinding and permanently disfiguring her.
I'll leave you at the trial coverage because that is where the documentary goes headlong into WTF territory, and I don't want to spoil it.
Having been a fan of true crime since I was a wee morbid teen, this doc managed to shock my senses that I had thought were just as jaded as the rest of me.  Just when I think I've seen all the messed up things I can handle, Crazy Love came along and showed me the error of my ways.  That's why I chose to give it a Freaky Friday seal of approval.

 

There's a starman waiting in the sky

I didn't realize the impact David Bowie had on my life until, suddenly, he was gone.  My mom would rock me to sleep as a baby by singing "Young Americans".  In elementary school, my dad played guitar in a cover band.  During their rehearsals, I did my homework on a couch and listened to countless hours of "Suffragette City" and "Ziggy Stardust".  Labyrinth is still one of my favorite movies of all time.  I spent my teenage years with my BFF (one of the biggest Bowie fans I know) riding around and listening to David Bowie.  The opening piano notes to "Life on Mars?" still give me chills.
Thank you, Mr. Jones, for making up a huge portion of the soundtrack of my life. 

My collections: Zelfs

I love toys.  When I'm a little old lady I'll probably spend my days wandering around my condo in Florida (Golden Girls style) dusting off my toy collections.
I first saw Zelfs in a little display in the toy aisle of Walmart.  They instantly transported me back to my 10 year old bedroom where I'd spend hours playing with my Troll dolls.  Zelfs are like "themed" Troll dolls.  Some themes are darker than others.  There are witch Zelfs and vampire Zelfs...
But there are also adorable foxes, red pandas, a unicorn...

Aliens!

I used to carry my Troll dolls in a McDonald's Happy Meal Halloween bucket.  I was pretty enamored of those fluffy haired cuties.

Lambs and Frankenstein monsters can be friends!

I got these cuties for Christmas this year.  Isn't that koala adorbs?

And my most prized Zelf: Pearleen!  She's the queen of the sea, obviously.  And queen of my heart.

What do you collect?

Reading when you don't wanna: A How-To Guide

I consider myself a bookworm and I looove books but sometimes I feel like I have two modes when it comes to reading:  "read everything" and "ugh... don't make me read".

This past year I definitely spent most of my time in the latter mode.  I just could not get hyped up about reading.  I read a few books but, let's just say, I would not have earned any pizzas from Book It! this year.

 
I thought I would share a few tips on how to get yourself out of a reading slump:

• Get your eyes checked!  Reading had become literally become painful because my vision had changed and I needed a different eyeglass prescription.  My left eye was compensating for my weaker right eye and was giving me headaches.  Our vision changes as we age  (I didn't need glasses until I was 33!) so it's a good idea if you notice any blurriness, double vision, dryness, etc.
• Don't force yourself to read a book that just isn't drawing you in or holding your attention.  (I found out Mr. Coffee finishes a book and I was appalled.  Life is too short to read shitty books.) If you hate it, stop reading it.   
• If you're solely a fiction buff, try non-fiction and vice versa.  If you have a favorite author why not read their biography?  It might help you appreciate their work even more and inspire you to read any books you might have missed.  This can be applied to other genres as well.  If you're always reading horror, you might get tired of wading through the stacks to find the one book published this year that doesn't involve the sex lives of vampires.  Instead of giving up on horror why not befriend its brother fantasy or its cousin science fiction?
• Change the medium.  Sometimes something as simple as flipping through a magazine can help flex your reading muscles.  (It's a muscle right?)  Or try manga or comic books.  How about an art book or travel guide*?
• Re-read a book you know you love.  
• Set an attainable reading goal for yourself.  Having spent a lot of last year on the couch or in bed, I realized it was lazier easier to binge watch a season of shows than to choose a book and start reading.  Instead of another episode of The Office, why not turn off the TV, set the timer on your phone for 20 minutes, and read?

*These are not affiliate links, merely suggestions.

Helloooo, 2016!

Dear 2016,
I'd really like to stay organized this year.  Especially when it comes to blogging.  Every time I got on a schedule last year, you threw a wrench in the works with a barrage of doctors' appointments or something would break or one of the animals would get sick or injured.  Could you maybe keep everyone healthy this year?  At least the animals.  They don't have health insurance*.
It would also be really nice if you could make this new medicine start working for me.  Being exhausted and in pain isn't really my bag, ya dig?  Please and thank you, of course.
I really liked having a planner last year and even though some planner-less haters might think it's silly, decorating my planner and sitting down and really planning out my week helped me stay focused and helped me schedule in some downtime for myself.  Overdoing it is not my friend!  (Except I may have forgotten to pencil in "blog, dammit".  My bad.)
Speaking of planners, I decided to jump on the bullet journal bandwagon.  I love making lists, so this seems like a good system for me.

I already decorated my notebook because plain black is not my thing.

Aaand, speaking of lists, I decided to list all of the books on my shelves and in my Kindle that I have not read.  I also made a list of all the bath and beauty products I've hoarded purchased over the past year because one of my few resolutions is to use up what I have before buying anything new.  So please don't tempt me with so much cool shit this year, ok?  At least not until I read these thirty or so books on my list.

This is just my non-Kindle list.

I guess I'm ready for you, 2016.  The real question is:  Are you ready for me?

*And of course I want everyone to be healthy.  Just a little joke. 

Peace out, 2015!

I wouldn't say 2015 was terrible but it wasn't awesome either.
I was locked in a battle with my doctors as I watched my health deteriorate only to be told that it was "anxiety" and "all in my head".  False!  After arguing and demanding a second opinion, I saw a rheumatologist who diagnosed me with rheumatoid arthritis.  Basically my immune system is attacking my joints.  Thanks immune system!
In July I said goodbye to my bestest furry friend of 11 years.  I still don't have words for the pain it put on my heart.
2015 decided to go out with a bang and gave us a blizzard of biblical proportions:  cars trapped under snow drifts,  people snowed into their houses, roofs collapsing under the weight of our belated white Christmas.
Oy...
But it wasn't all bad.  I like my rheumatologist.  She actually took the time to listen to my concerns and wanted to help me start to feel better.
I saw a lot of good movies, watched some good shows, listened to good music, and played some rad games.
And, finally, in November I found this little noodle head on the side of the highway.

What I'd like for Damn Fine Coffee in 2016:
I really hope to write more posts, especially more personal posts. I feel that personal blogging has really sort of died out as more and more bloggers hope to monetize their "lifestyles". I don't think I can single-handedly revive personal blogging. I'm just doing it for me and that's what matters.
I'd also like to talk about RA and treatments and supplements and what is working for me in case there are people out there, like me, newly diagnosed and searching for answers.

So, that's it.  I hope everyone has a fun and safe NYE celebration. 

See ya next year!

Damn fine holiday movies

Just a few of my personal holiday recommendations:


Home Alone is, of course, the quintessential holiday movie for those of us who were lucky enough to have been born in the 80s.  I remember seeing it in the theatre and begging my parents to put up the tree as soon as we got home.  I also wanted some bad guys to break into my house because I was pretty sure I could take them Macauley Culkin-style.


How the Grinch Stole Christmas  The animated version.  Don't even try to pull that live action Jim Carrey crap with me.


Batman Returns  Not only is it the best Batman movie ever, but it takes place during Christmas.  And it has tons of adorable penguins.

Deleted scene:  Batman scolds Catwoman for knocking the ornaments off and hiding them under the couch.

A Christmas Story because, well, duh.


Gremlins was not only a touching Christmas tale but it also taught the value of good pet ownership.  Just because your adult child is old enough to drink and holds down a full time job at the bank does not mean he's ready for a mogwai.

Dad, if this is one of your awful inventions, I'm going to scream.

Scrooged  Any re-telling of Dickens' A Christmas Carol is alright with me but add Bill Murray into the mix and that's just the icing on the cake.


Edward Scissorhands The unsung Tim Burton Christmas movie.

May I see the receipt for those ornaments, Winnie?

It's beginning to look a lot like Twin Peaks

Want to make your holidays damn fine this year?
Start off by sending these rad cards to your friends and family.  Or keep them for yourself.  I won't judge.

Get yours here

 My log has something to tell you:  It looks delicious.

Get the recipe here

Oh Diane, almost forgot.  Got to find out what kind of trees these are.
Get in the holiday "spirit" with this Douglas Fir-inspired cocktail.

Recipe here

If BOB isn't leering at you from the branches of your Christmas tree, it might be time to re-think your decor choices.

See the whole scene here

Start planning for the new year with this adorable calendar.

Buy yours here

Adorable isn't really your style? How about a full year of the ladies of Twin Peaks?

Buy yours here

The mysticism of Twin Peaks

My favorite TV show meets my favorite divination method.

I've been a tarot enthusiast ever since I found a battered deck that belonged to my dad in my grandma's attic.  (What 70s-era teenager didn't mess around with a little occult lite?)

Artist Benjamin Mackey has been busy creating a Twin Peaks themed tarot deck.  View the entire deck here.
The Major Arcana is complete and Mackey is hard at work on the Minor Arcana cards. 
Naturally, the suit of cups is represented by none other than a damn fine cup of coffee.

Here's to hoping it becomes an actual deck or, at the very least, some kick ass prints. 

Happy Home Designer: Add it to your Christmas list

If you know only one thing about me, know this:
I love Animal Crossing.  If Animal Crossing was a religion, I would never leave the church. 
Animal Crossing: Wild World for the Nintendo DS was the game that really ushered me into the world of gaming.  I've sung its praises before so I won't wax poetic in this post.  I'll just say this "I love Animal Crossing 5 eva!" (Cuz that's more than 4 eva.)
You can imagine my complete and absolute delight when I heard the news that an Animal Crossing spin-off game was making its way to American soil and it was called Happy Home Designer and it was the most adorable thing I'd ever laid eyes on.

Let's get to the nuts and bolts of the game:

• It wouldn't be an Animal Crossing game if you didn't work for that miserly trash panda Tom Nook.   Specifically, you are a designer at Nook's Homes which is a delightful little home renovation business introduced in AC: New Leaf.  Your first client comes in willingly but, after that, you're sent out to the street to drum up business.  The more houses you design, the more furniture, wallpaper, flooring, etc. becomes available to you.  Unlike the previous AC games, you design the inside and outside of your clients' homes based on the theme they request.  

• First things first, I'm the realest you choose the location from a map of the town.  (Incidentally, you can build multiple houses on the same site.  So the perfect site for one house will still be there when another client comes along.)  There are desert plots, beachfront property, mountain top vistas.  You can then tap the site to change the season.  You choose from several styles and sizes of houses, you can change the roofing, the siding, the style of door and fence.  You can add trees, shrubbery, and outdoor furniture like picnic tables, birdbaths, various pieces of sports equipment.  So much stuff.  (The ability to customize your yard is something that is sorely lacking in the AC games.)  You can get creative by using typical indoor decor such as lamps and rugs to customize your clients' outdoor living space.  

• And decorating inside the house?  That's even more awesome.  My one criticism, though?  Even if you give your client a mansion, you are still only going to decorate one room.  You can get creative and divide it with panels and screens and large pieces of furniture.  But the absolute best part?  You can hang light fixtures, ceiling fans, hanging plants, bunting...  It's like decorating a real life house except better because there is no pesky wiring to worry with.  Did you unlock an item that you know would be perfect in a previous client's house?  Don't worry.  You can visit them and add to the decor whenever you want.  Although, sometimes you'll catch them chilling in bed.  That can get awkward.
  
  

  

  Pekoe feeling zen.

•  You can use your Play Coins to unlock "design lessons" which allow you to refurbish furniture and other things...  (To be honest, I haven't unlocked many things yet.)  

Typical me.  Sitting down on the job.

• Isabelle, your loyal assistant from New Leaf, will show up and allow you to start designing projects in the downtown area such as a school, a hospital, and a cafe.  These projects are a bit more demanding because you will be provided with a list of items that must be included to pass muster.  However, working on these projects unlocks lots of other decor items that aren't strictly household items.  Think copy machines and soda fountains.  As the game progresses, the town expands and you may be asked to expand on previously completed projects as well as have the opportunity to start new ones. 

• Last, but most definitely not least, amiiboooooos!  **read in your best Oprah voice**  (I ordered the game with an amiibo reader because I'm still using an older 3DS.)  You can add your favorite AC neighbors to the game using the amiibo cards.  There are even special characters like Resetti and KK Slider.  For the most part, these special characters give you carte blanche when it comes to decorating but special items will pop up in your inventory  that you know is meant for them.  I mean... how are you going to personalize Harriet's house without a vanity or basket of beauty products?

• The game play, overall, is entirely relaxing.  A great game to zone out with at the end of the work day or before bed.  Sure you have clients to please but they're pretty laid back when it comes to their homes.  (They are animals, after all.)   

Lopez can't wait for me to leave so he can chew on the furniture.

Freaky Friday: Hemlock Grove

It's October which means everyone is sipping pumpkin spice lattes and watching dudes named Freddy and Michael terrorize teenagers out at old Camp Creepypasta.
The promise of Halloween sends my imagination into overdrive as I spend my nights reading /nosleep and then making my dog (Please don't call the ASPCA!) go down the hall first so I can use the bathroom without being murdered by someone with a hook for a hand or the demon that lives in the linen closet.
While I love scary movies, I also hate scary movies because, well, they scare me.  The kind of scary that sticks with you.  The kind of scary that causes you to swan dive across your bedroom at night after turning off the light because you know something is going to grab you in those five dark steps from the light switch to your bed.
So what do you do when you have Halloween spirit but you're a giant sissy?  Well, you can watch Hemlock Grove.  Especially if you like a healthy dose of "what the fuck" in your horror entertainment.
I was on the fence for months about Hemlock Grove.
What's it about?
Werewolves.
No... it's about vampires!
No... it's about both.
Both?  Like Twilight both?
It is definitely not like Twilight. 

Do you understand the script at all, bro?

Hemlock Grove is something of a murder mystery involving werewolves and day-walking (but not sparkly) vampires.  The characters are well-developed but there are times when the plot carves out enormous holes that it can't be bothered to fill in again.  Don't let that deter you, though, gentle viewers.  Just embrace your confusion.  Let it flow through you.  Or, you can be like me, and buy the book hoping for answers and end up even more confused.  (But it's a captivating read!)  The overall mood is that of secrecy and gloom.  A perfect complement to a gloomy October night?  I think so!
Both seasons are full of gore and sex.  Highlights include clandestine medical experiments, demonic babies, clairvoyants, a crash course in werewolf-ery, and a drop dead gorgeous 1957 Jaguar.  In the second season, there's even a nod to David Lynch and Twin Peaks.  Are you still reading?  Why aren't you watching Netflix???  
The third and final season debuts 23 October and the few articles I've read promise that this season will scramble to reassemble the craziness unleashed by the second season.  That means you have plenty of time to watch the first two seasons and get caught up.
To the couch with ye!

What I did on my blogging vacation

Don't let the title mislead you.  I didn't actually go on vacation.  I just took a mostly involuntary vacation from blogging.
So what have I been up to?  How about a bullet list?

• Personal life stuff:  I said goodbye to my bestest furry friend of 11 years in July.  Unfortunately, he was suffering from some degenerative mental issues which were making him aggressive towards our other dog and people.  Also, I've been ill with a mystery disease that the doctors here aren't that eager to find the cause of/treatment for.  *sigh*  I see a specialist in December because he's booked until then.  Small town life.  Gotta love it!  Anyway, I've been tired, achy, and just generally feeling like I'm coming down with the flu.  I have had the downtime to read and watch TV, though, so it's not all bad.
• Reading:  I've been reading lots of books on Buddhism lately.  My two favorites so far:  Transform Your Life:  A Blissful Journey by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso and Buddhism:  Plain and Simple by Steve Hagen. I also read a couple Ann Rule books and I'm working through a book of Anne Sexton poetry.
• Playing:  I've been farming it up on Story of Seasons but then Happy Home Designer (an Animal Crossing spinoff game) came out and I've been spending my gaming time designing houses for adorable critters.  (Expect a full report at a later date.)

• Watching:  Season 6 of The League, season 4 of Once Upon a Time, season 1 of The Following, and season 1 of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.  I've also been re-watching all the Star Wars movies which has incited a household feud of which movie was better:  Return of the Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back.  Obviously Return of the Jedi was better because Ewoks.  Duh!

I hope to get back to blogging, even if it means I only crank out one post a week.  But I'm going to shoot for two because dream big, right?

Freaky Friday: Odd Thomas

Odd Thomas starts out as a seemingly quirky action comedy movie with a supernatural bent.  Odd Thomas (played by the adorable Anton Yelchin) lives in a small town and just so happens to have the ability to see ghosts.  He uses his gift to help solve murders which, in turn, helps put the spirit to rest.  Unfortunately it's not a paying gig so Odd is also a showboating short-order cook at a local cafe.

If you like my psychic abilities, you should try my pancakes.

Odd begins to see some ghostly baddies that are out of the ordinary and, apparently, signal big trouble for the little town of Pico Mundo.  Odd has to save the town and himself while keeping his skills under wraps from friends and coworkers.  Does it lead to hilarious misunderstandings and people assuming that Odd has lost his marbles?  You betcha.
For a movie that deals with dead stuff and ghosts, it's actually quite tame.  So tame, in fact, I debated whether or not this should be a Freaky Friday-worthy movie.  But one girl's tame is another girl's freaky so I went with it.
The ending is predictable in an "ending with a twist" sort of way.  
Throughout the movie I was racking my brain trying to think of where I had heard the name Odd Thomas before.  It wasn't until the credits that I realized Odd Thomas is a series of books by Dean Koontz.  (Dean and I shared a brief but intense literary fling during my first year of junior high but I soon left him for VC Andrews and her love of incestuous siblings.)  I'm tempted to read the books because the movie glosses over the most interesting part of Odd's life which is communicating with the regular everyday dead folk.  I feel that could have been developed more instead of the emphasis on Odd's relationship with his girlfriend Stormy.
Romance in movies bores me.  Yeah, I said it.
Conclusion:
I give it a 3 out of 5 star rating.  It's definitely one of the more original movies I've watched in a while.  And it made me want to pick up where I left off with Dean Koontz.  Any good movie should make you revert back to your junior high self. 

Freaky Friday: The Houses October Built

The Houses October Built is about the least favorite part of one of my favorite holidays: the "haunted" houses that pop up around Halloween.  At the tender age of seven, I was invited to a fall carnival with a schoolmate.  I would have been perfectly happy to stick to the kiddie rides but my friend suggested we walk through the haunted house.  There wasn't anything too terrifying until my friend pushed on a trap door in a wall and disappeared.  I was trapped in a tiny room, unable to go backward.  I pushed the same trap door and it wouldn't budge.  I pushed and kicked every inch of wall I could reach until, eventually, I resorted to a tactic any scared shitless seven-year-old would do:  I cried.  Bawled my eyes out would be more appropriate.  Eventually a carnival worker took pity on me and rescued me.  (The door that lead outside was indeed stuck.)  And for some reason, that friend never invited me anywhere else.
**I still remember her.  Her name was Bonnie.  She could speak Chinese and English and had the cutest bobbed hair.  If you see this Bonnie, I'm sorry and I promised I've stopped crying in public... mostly.**
Oh right... the movie.  The Houses October Built is a mockumentary about a group of people who set out the week before Halloween to find the creepiest seasonal haunted houses, referred to as "haunts", "in the country" (according to Netflix) but, in reality, in Louisiana and south Texas.  The documentary footage is interspersed with interviews from haunt workers talking about people who have died attempting to scare people and why they choose to work at the haunts come Halloween time.

Perhaps the most horrifying part of the movie is being the only chick in an RV full of dudes.

The documentary crew's ultimate goal is finding a sort of "secret society" haunt where the scare actors have carte blanche.  And then they get the bright idea to sort of shakedown the haunt workers to see where the top grade haunts are hidden.  Why they think that's a good idea is beyond me.  Have these people not seen Freaks?  You just don't fuck with carnival worker-type folks and expect to walk away unscathed.  (Except for my haunted house savior.  Please don't come kill me in my sleep, good sir!)
One of the creepiest houses they walked through reminded me of a mashup between Silent Hill and Resident Evil:  Code Veronica X (with the Ashford dude that dressed up like his dead sister).  There were lots of creepy clowns and creepy children.  *shudder*
 I give the movie an "A" for effort in originality.  HOB seemed to lose its documentary feel towards the end which is a bit tragic.  Overall, though, the movie managed to be creepy without being gory.  We were even spared the ubiquitous "topless horror actress" scene.   Perhaps, though, that's the real tragedy.
If you can find it in yourself to look past the lack of nudity, I would definitely recommend giving HOB a watch.  
 

Damn Fine Vidya Games: Kirby's Adventure

**Damn Fine Vidya Games is written by my other half, Mr. Coffee, about his love for retro video games.**
 
Hello nerd boys and girls,

A close friend (who I used to respect) told me he had never played a Kirby game.  In fact he admitted that he only knew Kirby from the ever popular Smash Bros’ series to which I replied "BALLS" and stormed off to play one of my favorite games of all time: Kirby’s Adventure for the NES.
Of course I returned to lend my friend every Kirby game I owned so that he might educate himself.

Kirby made his debut in 1992 on the Game Boy.  My parents denied me one of those fancy portable gaming devices so I didn’t formally meet Kirby until 1993 on the NES.  Being the cute little pink ball of joy that Kirby is, the game may have been originally bought for my sister.  I’m pretty sure I stepped in when she couldn’t get past the first boss and just never gave the controller back. 

In case you don't know Kirby, he is rotund floating pink warrior of Dream Land who inhales his enemies and then uses their powers against them.  In Kirby's Adventure, Kirby awakens to find that King Dedede has stolen the Star Rod and all of the dreams of the people of Dream Land!  Our cotton candy-colored hero takes it upon himself to risk life and limb to retrieve the Star Rod and return all of those purloined dreams. 
   
The game play is a masterpiece of the time.  The visual side-scroller easily has the best graphics of any NES game and the music suits the dreamlike state of the game perfectly.  Kirby can do it all: run, jump, attack, and, of course, consume his enemies and, in turn, their powers.  The first time I made Kirby eat the little fire enemies and then spit fire I almost cried with joy.  Compared to Mario’s limited jumping action, Kirby was light years ahead of other games.
Side note:  This was the first game to have one of the best villains in the Nintendo universe, Meta Knight! He’s the most adorable flame sword wielding badass ever.

Kirby’s Adventure can be found on the Game Boy Advance, the Wii's virtual console, Nintendo DS, the Wii U virtual console, and, if you want to splurge, you can find a copy of the 20th anniversary Kirby’s Dream Collection for the Wii. 

If you have never played a Kirby game, this is the one for you.  Go play it right meow!

Hits: A quick and dirty movie rec

I didn't quite know what I would be getting into when I added Hits to my queue but sometimes I like to wander outside my comfort zone of mindless comedies and B-grade horror.
Hits centers around a man named Dave Stuben who lives in a small economically-depressed town in upstate New York named Liberty.  Dave's hobbies include bringing home trash from his place of employment and voicing his various complaints at the town council meetings.  Dave's daughter is an aspiring, yet horribly untalented, singer who is obsessed with fame, no matter the costs.  After a video of Dave getting arrested at a particularly heated town meeting goes viral on Youtube, all hell breaks loose.

Written and directed by my favorite anus tart, David Cross.

Hits is a combination of small town living meets Internet bandwagon-ing.  There is a yearning in almost every character that is almost palpable.  The yearning for something more.  Then there is the desperation that sinks in as the townsfolk watch their dreams begin to visibly crumble.  The struggle is interwoven with the reality that almost every moment of our lives are now subject to being recorded and posted to the Internet.  Viral videos and "vaguebooking" and sex tapes and jumping on causes because everyone else is doing it are the undoing of Liberty, NY and a great commentary on our society's online behavior as a whole.
Man, I'm deep.

The devil of Hell's Kitchen

For the past couple of months, everywhere I'd go, people would ask me the same question:
"Would you like fries with that and, OMG, have you seen Daredevil?!?!"
"Your total comes to 32.50 and you should really watch Daredevil."
"You haven't seen Daredevil?  I don't think we can be friends anymore."
I was beginning to think Netflix had implemented some sort of word-of-mouth affiliate program or maybe, just maybe, Daredevil was just that good.
I really wanted to watch Daredevil but I was still a little gun shy after Ben Affleck's embarrassing  portrayal of Matt Murdock in 2003.  Damn you, Ben Affleck!  (And don't even get me started about his upcoming Batman role.)
For those who are new to the whole Daredevil franchise, Daredevil is the vigilante alter ego of Matt Murdock.  As a child, Murdock was involved in a toxic waste spill that robbed him of his sight but left his remaining senses in a super heightened state.  Little Matt's dad is killed by gangsters and, as an adult, he vows revenge.  He also becomes a lawyer.  When you're a masked vigilante, it's good to work both sides of the law that way.
Matt's back story is very well developed.  The show's writers also took the time to develop the back story of his nemesis Wilson Fisk, aka Kingpin (although he is never referenced as such in the show).  A gritty, dark New York City (chiefly, the neighborhood of Hell's Kitchen) is the perfect backdrop for each episode's round of underdog versus heavyweight champion.  I'm awarding bonus points for the use of my favorite dramatic device:  the Batman voice.  Almost every character, big and small, uses the husky whisper at some point in the show and it is nothing short of hilarious every. single. time.

I'm Batman.

I hesitate to call Daredevil a super hero (And feel free to disagree with me here.) because I hesitate to call Daredevil a super hero show.  Matt's acts of rogue justice seem more like stepping stones on his path to what is ultimately self-serving revenge rather than serving the "greater good".  In this way, Daredevil gets a lot more Batman-like.  What starts out as a personal vendetta ends up as a full-fledged "saving my city" (read in a husky whisper) crusade.  Luckily for our Daredevil, he only has to deal with one cray-cray at a time in the first season unlike poor Batman's nemeses who always seem to escape Arkham in freaking droves.   (Side note:  If ever I should snap, please put me in Arkham.  My early release is almost guaranteed.)
I'd give Daredevil a seven out of ten.  The episodes' 55 minute run times can actually get a bit tedious.  However, the longer run time allows Daredevil to pack in plenty of (sometimes unnecessary) action (Seriously, who needs to back flip from rooftop to rooftop?) and bad guy ass-kicking but there is also drama and raw emotion and a pinch of romance.  Something for everyone!  Or maybe just you.  I won't tell anyone about your sensitive side.  

Freaky Friday: The Baba Ganoush

This Freaky Friday is brought to you by Mr. Coffee, the letter "B", and the number 5.37.


Hello nerd boys and girls,


I’m taking a break from video games to bring you a review of the latest horror movie being crammed down your throat by Netflix and your Facebook friends: The Babadook.  Just so you’re aware of my tastes, I have a long lasting love of horror movies, but especially terrible ones.  I subscribe to the church of Troll 2 and From Dusk Till Dawn sequels.  If a movie contains Bruce Campbell, Tom Savini, or was endorsed in some way by George Romero, then I am watching it.  Warning!  From this point forward this blog entry may contain spoilers (in white), though I will do my best to not ruin the ending. 


The Babadook is a movie you would label a "creature feature" or boogeyman style horror story where a child is afraid of something that the adults insist just does not exist.  In this movie that child is six-year-old Sam.  Sam’s father died in a car accident on the way to Sam's own birth and is being raised alone by his mother Amelia.  Like many six year olds, Sam is afraid of the monster in his closet, under his bed, in the attic, in the basement...  He rarely sleeps due to his fear and is an all around brat, in general.  Unlike most six year olds though, Sam builds Dennis the Menace-style weapons to defend himself.


Our other main character Amelia, Sam’s mother, is working as a hospice nurse and seems run down from working, raising Sam herself, and struggling through what appears to be a lonely, hard life for the past six years.  To add to Amelia’s stress, Sam gets removed from school for bringing one of his many handcrafted weapons with him.  Amelia’s only outlet is her sister Claire who has a daughter, Ruby.  Ruby’s birthday is close to Sam’s so they share a party every year.  (Every year except this one, of course.)  This is partially due to Amelia’s painful experience of losing her husband on her son’s actual birthday but mostly because a joint party is cheaper and less stressful, obviously.


So what the hell is a babadook?  Well, one night Amelia allows Sam to choose a bedtime story.  He pulls down a book that Amelia has never seen before titled Mister Babadook.  This book tells the story of a being that haunts and tortures those aware of his existence.  His presence is preceded by the sound of a knocking “babadook dook dook” noise.

Grandma Ethel is not allowed to buy you books ever again.

  The book itself is modeled after a child’s pop-up book and, if I'm being honest, is probably one of the more creative horror devices I’ve seen.  Sam, who is already terrified of his own make-believe monsters, now has a name to put to his ever-increasing fears.  Sam’s brat-tastic behavior gets worse, and the house suddenly seems haunted, which Amelia, being the great mom she is, blames on Sam and he in turn blames on Mister Babadook.  Already frustrated by Sam’s behavior and suffering from a severe lack of sleep, Amelia tears the offending book apart and throws it in the trash. 


Is this the end of Babadook problem?  Um... no.  Sam suffers a seizure on the way home from his cousin's drama filled birthday party and Amelia brings him to the hospital get checked out.  The doctors find nothing wrong with Sam, but prescribe him sleeping pills which is something every six-year-old needs.  Relieved that her son is ok, and that she is finally going to get some sleep, things are looking up for Amelia.  Her peace doesn’t last long.  She awakes to find the Mister Babadook book not only intact but with new illustrations, specifically pictures of Amelia killing Sam.  She does what any sane person would do and destroys the book again along with reporting the incident to the police thinking she may have a stalker.  The police don’t believe her based on the lack of creepy book evidence and the vague implication that she may have some incriminating evidence on her person.  Namely, chalk on her hands.  The same chalk used in the Mister Babadook book?  *dun dun dun*


Up to this point in the film I was enjoying the story, the characters, and the tension.  I was asking myself: “Is the house haunted or is the kid just out of his mind?” and “Are they being stalked?” or “Did Amelia snap and is doing all this herself?”  A perfect mix of good writing and a true psychological horror where there are a number of possible paths and each could lead to an exciting and fulfilling climax.
And then it took a nosedive.
The latter half of the movie that attempts to answer these questions felt as if  a completely different writer and director had suddenly taken over a completely different movie.  What starts off as a creative and well thought out plot, turns into a heaping pile of horror movie garbage.  It sort of feels like the scene in Independence Day  where the White House gets blown up and you’re all excited about the awesome explosion but then remember that the White House being blown up is actually a bad thing.  Then Jeff Goldblum suggests that the highly advanced alien species can be brought down by a lowly human-engineered computer virus.  Balderdash! 
The Babadook is the horror movie equivalent of Independence Day: a great idea ruined by a seemingly rushed train wreck of an ending. 

**For those of you reading from 'Murica, enjoy your Independence Day weekend!**